This is the true life story of two young students in one of the universities who met and fell in love. Their relationship became physical and the girl became pregnant. This didn’t go down well with the girl’s parents at all. They felt, for one, the girl was too young; just in her second year of tertiary education. Secondly, they did not want the stigma of having a pregnant, unmarried daughter in their hands. For them, their reputation was at stake. What will their friends say, what will their family members say? What will their church community say? It was just too much to bear. Their solution? Marry her off immediately, before the pregnancy begins to show.
However, some of the girl’s friends felt this was wrong. Their reasons? Their friend may have made a mistake, but she wasn’t ready for marriage. They also reasoned that getting married now will be the end of her education, because it will be so difficult to cope as an “impromptu” mother and wife, and also add education to it. They started their own campaign of trying to convince their friend not to agree to her parents’ plans for her. Now, there are two factions: the parents rushing to marry the girl off and the friends campaigning against the marriage. In the middle of these warring factions is the young, perplexed man, who is totally confused.
1. Please advise the parents on what to do
2. Advise the girl and the young man on what to do.
3. Advise the friends of the girl on how to give proper support.
B. A. Nigeria
In our days we have seen the disastrous end of such relationship. People getting married out of compulsion never really work, especially if a child/pregnancy is involved; decision are made out of selfish motive (like parents wanting to salvage their reputation). The feeling of the two young people involved would be ignored
Parents, we know a terrible mistake has been made, don’t make it a lifelong one by insisting they get married so you would look good before your neighbors or friends. Whether they marry or not people will still talk.
So sit everyone down and walk through everything together with the future in mind and make an objective decision.
The friends should be careful in whatever they do or advise their friend to do because no one will be there to take care of the girl and her baby but her mother, so they should not create riff in their bit to help their friend.
B. J. Nigeria
1. The parents have to understand that marrying her off quickly to cover their shame is not the solution to the problem. The deed has been done so all they need to do at the point is to give her all the support she needs. They can probably take her away from the home to avoid peering eyes to where she will be in the better frame of mind to have her baby. I strongly agree with the friends that marriage at the point will be too much for her to handle, she should instead have her baby and go back to school and decides if she wants to marry the father of her child eventually and when she will be ready to do so.
2. The girl and the boy should both go ahead and have the baby and give the baby all the love necessary. This mistake should not stop their dreams in life of becoming whatever they will like to become in future. They should both move on with their lives not allowing this mistake to stop them in their stride. They should also be advised to desist from pre-marital sex in order to avoid such occurrence or the painful consequences of such.
3. The friends of the girl should allow her to decide what she wants to do and shouldn’t push her into taking hurried decision. At this stage she is, she is probably confused and needs time to think through on what she really wants to do. All they need to do for her is to give her all the support she needs and show her love, she wouldn’t be the first to make such mistake.
1. The parents should consider involving their Church Pastor to intervene in the matter. Provided they have godly perspective.
2. They should seek counselling and determine if they should go ahead with the marriage or just have the child first.
3. Although they have their friends interest at heart. They should think of how to assist the girl discover her purpose and fulfill Gods destiny.
They must endure the hard mocks of people to allow their future work out for them: Disallow the Forceful marriage and later gain the glory of a better marriage in the future!
A. F. Nigeria
Marriage is destiny. We all know that nobody can refrain from the lust of the flesh except by God’s grace. To the parents: I’d say they want to conduct a marriage to save their own face. they might end up ruining the couple and receiving curses from their children in future. To the boy and girl (if adults): they should count the cost of being married to each other now or not and follow their hearts; bearing in mind that they are responsible for the consequences of their actions. To the friends: Be careful and wise in how you interfere with another person’s family/relationship issues. This is my own opinion. Thanks.
I think the Parents of the girl should take it easy with their daughter and allow her be. What has happened has happened. There is no point complicating the life of their daughter because of what people will say. She is not the first and she will not be the last. Marrying her off to cover up the act does not remove the fact that the daughter got pregnant out of wedlock. Truth cannot be overridden. No matter how hard they try to cover it up the truth, it will still come out. What the parents are trying to run away from will still catch up with them. On the other hand, is the young man ready for that commitment? Does he has what it takes to support the girl, the pregnancy, their education and the baby after the girl eventually delivers? The answer is no. I therefore advice the parent to consider the future of their daughter and take care of her till she delivers the baby. Let the mother take care of her child while the daughter returns back to school to finish her education. If the young man is still interested in the girl and wants to marry her, let the parents do what is necessary and support the girl’s education and the up keep of baby when he or she is eventually delivered. And allow both of them finish their education before any other thing.
I think mistake is not the end of life because it repairs. Mold one’s life for better and also help you to be wise.
The parent is selfish to their daughter, whatever their reputation is. They should help her get through with her pregnancy and education for the sake of her future. Forcing her into marriage might only compound the problems since she and the guy are actually not ready for it. Thank you.
Thank you for all your contributions. You have been of immense help to the people having similar experiences out there. God will continually give you wisdom to make right choices in your everyday living.
The Choices you make today will determine your future outcomes. Right choices are usually fewer than wrong ones. You need wisdom, maturity, objectivity and sensitivity of heart as major KEYS to limit your margin of error in arriving at the right choice. The conclusions below are extracts from all the contributions made.
1. No one is above mistake. When mistakes are made, objectivity should be preferred over sentiments, irrespective of how difficult or bad the situation seems. Objectivity is usually like bitter pills to swallow. It is that bitter pills that actually heals at the end of the day, not the seeming easier or sweeter route out of the situation.
2. Consequences of any decision should be addressed with maturity. You must never retreat from it. Refraining from it is creating room for further compounded mistakes. It has to be dealt with, so you mature and learn some level of wisdom.
3. “Self-Centredness” should be taken out as much as possible. This has the capacity to blur your reasoning capacity, which in turn affects the quality of your decision making.
4. Problems are avoidable. In the event that it eventually happened, they are amendable. What helps in the realization of these two categories are the willingness on the part of the parties and God. We are not immune against mistakes, only God has the capacity to prevent an occurrence or remedy a situation. No matter how bad that situation, IF you are willing, though may cost, there will always be a way out.
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