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TIME IMPACT SERIES | TIME NOT CONSIDERATE OF FEELINGS | CHARACTER |

Posted by : Dele Agbogun Posted date : November 21, 2013 In Marriage 0

The introduction described time as critical to every area of life. It also stated that there is a sense in which time affects all areas of life; it is just like an eagle with wings which cannot be tamed to a place.

Time has its toll on one’s behavioral pattern. Character stems from your thought pattern. It has been said that; “Watch what you hear for they will form your thoughts, watch your thoughts for they will form your words. Watch your words for they will form your actions. Watch your actions for they will form your habits. Watch your habits for they will form your personality, which will ultimately translate to your character, who you are. ’Character’ from the Oxford dictionary means “the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual”. Character also implies personality, nature, temperament, and make-up of people.

As singles, you must have acquired varying values while growing up. These values over time form your mental and moral state. However, your temperament which also determines your personality is put under test when you get married. Sometimes, you never know what you are capable of doing until you find yourself in a situation that forces those traits out of you. It is when you display such traits that you are shocked at yourself. When you get married, what you have literally done is an invitation of additional personality with different make-up or nature. Harmonizing these two personality types goes through a stormy stage before normalizing “IF” it is well handled.

Helen Keller stated that; “Character or personality cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved”.

I also read an article from Jarod Kintz that amazed me. He said; “Just because I liked something at one point in time doesn’t mean I will always like it, or that I have to go on liking it at all points in time; it is an unthinking act of loyalty to who I am as a person, based solely on who I was as a person.” To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think. The only thing I am for sure is unsure, and this means I am growing, and not stagnant or shrinking.

What happens is this; when a couple meets for the first time, they are largely influenced by the chemistry they feel for each other. This has the high tendency for them to overlook what they might possibly not allow as time goes on in their eventual marital relationship. The reality of one’s personality becomes clearer in marriage, especially when all the sentimental emotions start fading away. Your former quiet and easy-going personality gradually becomes loud and an on-edge one. Come to think of it, you started out as friends with no life-time commitment. It gradually developed into a life-time commitment as husband and wife. Then the first child, second child, and or more than the third child. You realized over time that there is an increasing pressure on your personality, having to deal with a number of your immediate family members with different categories of needs.

The Following Are Useful Guides to making “Time” have Positive effect on Your Personality.

1. Maintain a flexible or adaptable heart. I have an easy going personality and certain ways of doing things. I did a personality test and realized that phlegmatic and melancholy came up tops. The traits tilted majorly under an introverted description. I got married to a wife whose traits fall under core choleric. We found ourselves in a situation where a quiet disposition, easy-going and sensitive personality had to co-habit with an achiever, pioneer, decisive, outgoing and determined personality, just to mention a few. What a combination. How did we manage to come together in the first place? Interestingly the fact of life is that opposites attract.

The resolve to make things work aided the integration of our personalities and helped us focus on improving on our weaknesses. The eleven years run has influenced my calm gesture to becoming more outspoken and faster than I used to be. On the other hand, my wife has also calmed down a little compared to her initial pioneering and decisive personality.

If flexibility was not entertained, we would have been telling a different story now.

2. Boldness and Willingness to let go of the past when it becomes irrelevant to the present. I realized our culture in this part of the world has a strange approach to life in this area. It believes what worked before should be institutionalized. That is why some people in some parts of the world talk about keeping to traditions, even after the ways and manners with which things have changed. The need to let go of your past and what you have been used to is an inevitable phase of life IF we want to see the positive impact of time on our personality. Time in life takes you through various stages and experiences. These experiences will make you let go of some habits in your life and compel you to take on new habits. The habits will vary when you pass through the various stages in life; from just wedded to having the first, second and third child; the children going through school from Pre-school to colleges or universities. Each stage has its own uniqueness which should be dealt with accordingly. The measure differs from stage to stage with the necessary steps to put your personality on the right track.

3. Priority should be based on objectivity and not sentiments. Breaking free from tradition will put you in a position to see things from an objective point of view. Dealing with each other in relationship on sentimental basis will make you focus on persons instead of the real issues. Sentiments have a way of altering your personality. When this happens, it has a negative toll on your relationship. It makes you act like a fluid which changes state with changes in temperature. Over time, you will be subjected to varying conditions in your marriage. Instability in your personality can drastically be reduced when you tackle these conditions objectively, whether it costs you or not.

4. Disciplined disposition to do what needs to be done, not what you want to be done. It is human nature to drift towards a path of least resistance. It is only right for you to tread on the needful path which might likely not be convenient for you. When you move through the years in your marriage, you MUST deny yourself some comforts in order to ultimately enjoy your later years. For example, I cannot afford to squander all the resources without thinking about investment for the future. I cannot shy away from disciplining my children if I want to have a restful future. I cannot afford to play away my life without investing in my intellectual capability. I cannot afford to remain backward about current trends in the society if I desire to grow. I cannot afford to think in a limiting way. My thinking must be globally relevant.

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