The previous post pointed out the impact time could have on marriage. This post intend to look more on the introduction and also advice on useful tips to make your sex life enjoyable.
We have lots of testosterone run during the early part of marriage, also during courtship there is a way we feel emotional love towards each other. This hormone has a way of pumping adrenalin in our system, thereby making our love activities active. At this stage of life, sexual intercourse plays a primary role while other important areas of life are secondary. Men basically approach life as a task-achieving venture. They are generally designed to be goal-getters. A man gets a task accomplished; files it away in a folder or shelf, then moves on to other things in life. This same wiring and approach to life is brought into marriage. Though not limited to men alone, but men comprise a greater percentage of this statistics.
When wedding is over, there is a feeling of task accomplished; usually not deliberate. The initial devotion, priority and excitement felt gradually fizzle out. This happens because there are other activities that suddenly seem more important, and seen as the next on the line to accomplish. The people who don’t feel this way are those who deliberately treat it as an ongoing adventure, injecting varieties and different approaches to their sexual life and also look at new ways of keeping the fire on over time. The principle here is similar to an organization’s approach to successfully remain at the forefront of its competitors. For an organization to have a competitive edge in its industry; innovative, re-engineering, value-added services are inevitable actions that MUST be embarked upon.
If you desire a lasting sexually-fulfilling relationship in your marriage, these adventurous flavors are very necessary. Always be ready to adopt different ways of going about your sexual intercourse. You cannot live a straight-jacketed sexual life; having same position at all times. Living with the same predictable sexual intercourse experience for years will be monotonous. When a monotonous mode is reached, active life is taken out of the sexual intercourse experience, making one or both parties to be in search of a more fulfilling sexual life elsewhere. It is at this stage one of the parties or both parties accuse each other of different things. The end result is not what you desire for your home, I believe.
The above explanation has brought out the eventual consequence(s) of sexual experience if it is not well managed. The following points are suggestions that could help if you are going through similar experience;
1. Openness in communication about your sex life. You have to be free to express how much you enjoy or not enjoy your sexual intercourse without missing words. How you feel and how your spouse respond to it is critical to the success of your experience over time. Expression of your feelings does not indicate use of degrading words. Toeing this line can be counter-productive to your sexual life. The more open you are to each other about how well or bad the sexual intercourse has gone will help both parties know where to work on for future improvement. When this approach is continually adopted over time, it will make your sexual life better and more fulfilling.
2. Learn to sometimes talk raw to each other. Your partner is your spouse and not a stranger. You should be free to talk raw to the extent both parties agreed. The rawer you become as agreed by both of you, the more the barriers are lifted. Some couples interestingly are shy to discuss this in plain terms(I love the size of your breast, enjoy the succulent nature of your buttocks, the feel of my lips on yours is out of this world, when I am inside you, it takes me to another realm, displaced my logical reasoning etc.). If these are in place, it gradually takes out stiffness, shyness, insecurity, timidity and brings in freedom, boldness and openness over time.
3. Learn to be true friends. Marriage goes beyond “The man is the head over the wife” as is primarily displayed by some men in some parts of the world. Real men earn respect and not demand it. Learning to live as cordial friends takes off barriers in communication. If you are able to achieve this, it has a way of creating a healthy environment for an exciting sexual experience. Testosterone, an enhancer of sexual drive, thrives more in a joyous and harmonious setting. This also fosters bonding, transparency, joy, understanding and trust over time if a healthy environment is maintained.
4. Generate your uniqueness. There is unique sexual experience for every marriage. Do not make the mistake of using another couple’s experience as a template for yours. The individuals in any marriage have their peculiarities. You can draw some lessons and principles, and adapt to yours, but NEVER adopt a copy and paste approach. Agreement is a major key in this regard. Once you discover what works best for you and your spouse, adopt it and improve over time. The success of this uniqueness lies largely on the parties’ openness and flexibility to opposing views and approach. Obviously, there will be initial friction when you try to agree. But the mentioned point above in proper perspective will progressively improve over time.
Time is truly a convertible resource. Time is a problem or a learning curve depending on the couples in question. The main issue is not what necessarily comes upon the marriage but how the couples handled the issue(s). Like someone put it; “The issue/problem is not the problem in itself, but how the person handles the problem”. Time will open new ways of creativity in your sexual life.
No marriage is immune to challenges in sexual matters. What works in any marriage, the parties involved made it work. It doesn’t just happen on its own. Thinking it will happen on its own is building castles in the air. Wake up and agree with your spouse to do something about it.
If you feel you are still confused, kindly send a mail to firstname.lastname@example.org for personalized counselling.
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