Myth is an age-long traditional belief, especially one concerning the early history of a people or explaining a natural or social phenomenon, and typically involving supernatural beings or events. The synonyms are: tradition, parable, folk tale or fable. It could also mean a widely held but false belief or idea.
Recounting events that initially contributed to my viewpoints is my upbringing as a child which was imprinted in the some part of Nigeria that upholds a culture where women are seen as second-class citizens. Outrightly, as at few decades ago, this belief postulates that women are beings that play more of domestic roles than leadership roles. However, within a matter of time, the acquisition of western education and the right exposure helped erode this orientation i was given whilst growing up. Nevertheless, one pathetic thing I realized is that a good number of people were unable to debunk this mindset, even as adults. Suffice it to say that this explains why some men behave in an uncivilized manner towards their wives, and women generally. If you attempt to correct these categories of people, they resist such opinions and suggestions. A large number of them come across as male chauvinists(sexists).
In the same vein, there are different schools of thought that posit(suggest) their philosophies on the subject of sex before marriage. Each thought has its own explanation and subsequently its own approach and practice. Depending on which one you uphold, it forms the basis for your own practice. I wonder sometimes, in fact most times, how come we have so many schools of thoughts with divergent views, but then, I realized that our orientation, exposure, culture and association largely contribute to how we practice ours. One truth I have also discovered is that the practice of your culture doesn’t necessarily suggest that the other culture’s approach is wrong neither does it mean your belief is right. Am I being judgmental here? Absolutely not… My objective point on this myths issue is to vividly present my explanation to you and allow you to have a second thought about what you know that seemed to oppose my line of discuss.
Overtime, I have deliberately tried examining a standpoint from different heights to gain understanding about perspectives. What I have realized from my little observation was that each height gives you a different range of view. The higher your position of view, the wider the range of coverage. When someone at a lesser height view from the same direction or position his/her explanation about life view will be slightly different from the person at greater heights. Now the appropriate question is, will you say what each person viewed is wrong? Definitely not. Based on each person’s viewing position, each is right. But will you say that is all to the view? For all intents and purposes, the viewpoints are not final and binding. The fact that you cannot see the whole view makes you vulnerable to judge or take decision on inadequate available resources or information.
Therefore, to a very large extent, the same is true when it comes to myths about sex before marriage. Dear reader, I will like you to keep an open mind objectively and maintain sensitive heart.
At this juncture, I will like to begin with some of the die-hard myths that exist and are being upheld in some parts of our world.
The belief in the notion that sex will provide succor to an unstable relationship: Unstable relationships do have many sides to the causative factors. A section of the last article on handling sexual urge addressed the various possible implications of having sex before marriage. (http://www.senseportal.org/sex-for-singles-handling-sexual-urge/). Unsteady relationships therefore require issues to be addressed objectively because it might bother on personality differences, traditions and culture or emotional immaturity. Sex will only address temporary relief from emotional tension with lots of possible consequences you might not be prepared for to handle.
Abstaining from sex in courtship before marriage is not realistic. There are people who strongly opine that long-term exclusiveness is falsehood. The quicker the ‘S’ factor is introduced in a relationship, the higher the chances of the relationship failing.
Pornography has no effect on relationship. Without much ado, It will interest you to know that people that are engaged in watching pornographic materials are highly vulnerable to premarital sex. It has a way of engulfing your emotional being like wild fire. There is no how you are engulfed with fire that you would not have expelled all the emotional tension in you before you come back to your normal and logical sense. People with this mindset are taken by surprise after it had happened.
Putting the cart before the horse. Those with the belief system that there is no big deal in engaging in the act after all they are getting married seems to forget that Marriage is more honorable when the bed is undefiled. I have seen quite a number of people that co-habit with the notion that since we are getting married there is no big deal practicing how the marital life would be. I have equally seen various cases as well where hearts were broken, pregnancy occurred, responsibility denied, quarrel ensued and each party goes his/her separate ways feeling broken and shattered. Parting after sexual involvement leaves a totally different experience than parting without sexual involvement. That’s why I always implore singles to preserve themselves until the day of wedding. One critical thing you should have in mind is that you spend more time as married people than you do as singles. As singles in relationship, friendship is key. It doesn’t mean that while dating, the man must have sexual intimacy with the young lady rather he should protect and keep her for the man she would eventually get married to. When a man can agree to abstain until the day of wedding, it tells a lot about the person’s respect and value for you. If a man can break a relationship because you did not give in to pre-marital sex, then the man is not worthy of your love. It is also more advantageous to men than to women as it gives them “more stable access to sex, without the expectations or commitments of marital responsibilities.”
The ideology that extra-marital sex has greater enjoyment than sex in marriage is sheer deception.
The level of orientation you have about sex will determine how you will deal with this topical issue. The various myths explained in this post give a good idea of different beliefs and ideas that have been widely accepted and termed right. As an relationship counselor, I am not on a judgement seat judging and giving verdicts to people who might have fallen into these categories rather I’m attempting to expand our beliefs and weigh the possible consequences that follow each myth.
The aim is to allow the readers take objective decision and be able to withstand the heat of these widely held views on pre-marital intimacy.
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