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Questions On My Mind | Why Should Familiarity Breeds Contempt? |

Posted by : Dele Agbogun Posted date : May 12, 2014 In Marriage 0

How does one handle a situation where one partner keeps taking the other partner for granted due to familiarity?

For partners who are already married or who intend to get married, being familiar with one another is accepted. Partners are allowed to be so familiar with each other to the extent of joking and playfully taunting each other. However, taking each other for granted due to familiarity is not healthy and should not be practiced. For individuals who are still courting or “dating’’, frequent minor insults should make the offended partner do a self-evaluation and an evaluation of the other partner. You may have put yourself in the position where your partner sees and uses every avenue to verbally or physically abuse you. Then, you need to re-trace your steps and get out of that position as fast as you can, this may help you gain your respect back. However, if after evaluation, you find out that you are on course and have done nothing wrong to deserve such ill-treatment, it is advised you deal with it immediately in a rather subtle manner.

The value you put on a relationship will determines the value you put on your partner. Both parties are not expected to always share similar views but which ever view is expressed, the value you put on your relationship should not make you have a less opinion about your partner. When situations like this arise, the stated steps below will go a long way in helping you maintain healthy value for each other;

1. It is essential that this is thoroughly discussed and tackled. Once this is observed by a partner, talking about it will go a long way in establishing which position and the best route to take. If still courting, you would have a clear picture of what best decision to take. If married, this would give you a good understanding of the reasons for the attitude displayed by your spouse. The discussion will help you decide how best to go about it.

2. Understand your spouse’s good moods and love language(s). It is not all the time you get the best results out of someone. You need to understand the person’s uniqueness in order to know the best approach in resolving an issue.

3. Express your feelings about a bad attitude or character. It is dangerous to harbour hurts in your heart. The way you feel per time should be made known and dealt with before it escalates.

4. Ensure that the issue is separated from the person. Maturity and objectivity are key factors in ensuring this distinction.

5. Seeking marital counsel may also help. If you are single and courting, it is advisable you get out of a disrespectful and abusive relationship.

Please note that in certain instances, where a partner seemingly takes the other partner for granted, this does not expressly suggest that a value has not been placed on the “offended’’ partner. Some people are just weak in expressing themselves in a kind manner. This is not to give license to such category of people though. It has to be worked at deliberately in order to improve in such areas. This is because if it lingers, it has the potential to affect the relationship negatively. It should be noted that where familiarity is allowed to evolve into contempt, it opens the door to hate. Where it is avoided, love is guaranteed.

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