“I am confused; the person I love so much seems not to be interested in me. Meanwhile there is this other person who dotes on me who I don’t care about. What should I do?”
Depending on which part of the country you live, nothing is really wrong if a lady registers her likeness for someone. But I am aware of many cultures that see this approach as not suitable or right for a lady. However, the context I am writing from is not about what is obtainable in a particular geographical location. I intend to approach this objectively. Nothing is wrong to have a crush on someone and to make the first move in a relationship irrespective of the gender.
I feel strongly, though subject to debate, that one does not need to exert pressure to make a relationship work when the opposite sex does not respect or celebrate that gesture. There is this saying that; “you won’t exhibit your best where you are not celebrated.” A purposeful relationship puts a sense of responsibility on both parties. Once it becomes one sided, it takes away the joy and excitement it naturally brings to the experience.
What an interesting scenario this is; “Who you desire does not feel the same way about you while the one you give no attention to seems to be the one who dotes on you”. May I say that your concept of what relationship dynamics are has a way of influencing your behavioral pattern? It is a combination of many of the stated factors listed below;
1. Family background. The first learning stage is your family. Whatever traits you display has its foundation in the home you grew up in. (Your Parents, siblings, guardians, uncles, aunties, nieces etc.).
2. Association. The people you associated with while growing up have deposits that adds up to form your total person (preschool, nursery, primary, high school or college and university)
3. Environment and culture. The general beliefs or values of your environment have a way of determining to a large extent the way you understand and see things.
4. Social nature of your environment. The social values of your environment also have its own toll on how you see and approach life.
Going by the noted points above, I would say that loving someone who doesn’t feel the same way about you should not make you feel odd. Neither does it make the other person bad. The relationship concept is like a game where you are able to differentiate what is important from unnecessary sentiments. Once you’ve done all the necessary things and it seems as if the relationship is not working, your mind must be flexible to accommodate the person who truly appreciate you.
What really are you looking for? Among other factors you can use as criteria, I believe it is not wrong to give the other person a chance if the person possesses the following basic attributes;
1. Believe in God.
2. Has a sense of direction
3. Respect your views and values you for whom you are.
4. Has control over his emotions.
5. Has a good listening skill.
6. has a flexible mind; ready to admit and unlearn old ways while accepting new and better ways.
If you do not feel cherished and celebrated while dating someone, then there is no guarantee that you will experience true love in the marriage proper. I have seen relationships where the parties were madly in love with each other, yet few years down the line, they went their separate ways. This suggests to you that even when people celebrate each other, there is still a tendency for the relationship not to last. Not to mention where love and excitements doesn’t exist in the first place.
1. Give the other person a chance.
2. Watch and be sensitive in the first two or three months of your relationship.
3. Check out the traits stated above.
4. No one is perfect. You need to mature to the point where you can overlook trivial issues.
5. Your ideal person most of the time will be in his or her raw form. You need to see beyond the obvious and have the ability to recognize potentials. By the time your supposed ideal person shows up, he or she would have already been engaged if not married.
Therefore, be real, wise and objective in your decisions.
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