I love him so much, why can’t I give myself to him?
Our orientation in life influences our perspectives on life. This subsequently influences our approaches and decisions in life. Coming down to relationship issues, our views are not in any way different. I have seen cases where ladies either lose their virginity or allow a guy have his way with them sexually, all in the bid not to lose the relationship.
I understand that beliefs and values differ from country to country and from one person to the other. So I expect this post to appeal to some while it might be unappealing to others.
The issue of relationship has a lot to do with emotions and the psychology of a person. When you get sexually involved with a guy you are not yet married to, you become emotionally attached to him. This kind of relationship has been socially accepted and defined to be normal. My experiences with people as a marriage coach and a counselor show that some ladies yield their bodies for the following reasons;
1. The mindset of; “after all we are getting married”.
2. I love him so much; I don’t want to lose him.
3. I don’t know how I managed to get myself involved sexually.
4. I had pressure from my peers because being a virgin makes me the odd one out.
5. To have a sense of belonging.
6. I had pressure from my parents and decided to get pregnant for the person they are against.
7. I see it as a way of paying back because he was there for me during the crisis in my life.
The stated reasons above are actually valid. But I would like us to look at them more closely and consider the following views below;
1. If I refused to get involved sexually and I lose the relationship, would this be worse than losing my virginity and losing the relationship eventually?
2. If I am truly valued, would he break up with me simply because of not yielding to his sexual advances?
3. Is yielding my body the only true way to prove my love to him?
4. What becomes of his view/impression of me after I give myself to him? Won’t he feel I would do the same with other guys? That he just happened to be the next person on the line, just as it could have been for any other person.
5. Some guys discuss their sexual acts with friends. Depending on the type of friends he keeps, the ACT between the two of you can become the subject of discussion. The same way if you keep yourself well, it can still be discussed, but will be in a positive light. Now, you might have your objective reasons. But how can you control the person’s view or opinion of you. It is left to him and not to you to decide.
Before you lose your virginity or yield your body, take time to consider the noted points (for or against) in this article. You need to weigh the outcomes of the two approaches and ask yourself which is better. Your life has value and you much cherish that value. The value you place on yourself is the value your guy will place on you. It is not all guys that are meant for you. So stop this notion that once I lose him, everything is lost. Such thinking is absolutely wrong. Your REAL man will value both you and the relationship. He will honour and respect you. Do not be swayed by the ideology that portrays virginity or good morale living as an old-school lifestyle. The options are before you; choose to be old school and experience long and fulfilling marriage or live the flip side and endure your marriage. The part of maturity, culture, commitment, understanding and effective communication equally have their roles in the success story of any relationship. Some or all of these shape our orientation and subsequently give the illumination needed to make the right choices.
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