You Are Here: Home » Marriage » MARRIAGE GAPS | Sex | Why Can’t I Do Without It?

MARRIAGE GAPS | Sex | Why Can’t I Do Without It?

Posted by : Dele Agbogun Posted date : July 12, 2013 In Marriage 0

Sex plays a significant role in every marriage; marriage and sex mean different things to different people. This is as a result of varying cultures and beliefs, this post intends to look at the concept of sex in marriage, the sexual needs of husband and wife, the negative implications when the needs are not met, and healthy tips for experiencing satisfying sexual relationship in your marriage. I see marriage as instituted by God, made for two people of opposite sex. This foundation is needful because we have varying views on the subject.

In the earlier years of my marriage, the issues that I faced were dramatic and almost funny (well, looking back now). There were times when I would be in the mood and want to make love to my wife, but will not succeed due to varying reasons; tiredness on her part, not in right frame of mind, she’s angry about something, unresolved issues etc, just to mention a few. When my request got denied, I got angry because I saw it as punishment, getting that aroused and having my desires squashed. Whenever this happened, my attitude usually gets very cold and you could tell via my driving her to work. Sometimes, she would blurt out for me to be careful with my driving. Funny, isn’t it? Well, maybe to you, but at that time, it was not so for me. In my mind, I would sulk and say to myself, “why not just let me be, afterall you had your way and now you are saying I should be careful with my driving”. Over time, I asked myself, why did I have to react that way? What if something had gone wrong with my driving? Why is this sex matter so gripping and influential? Why can’t I do without it?

I grew in my understanding to realise that testosterone (a white crystalline steroid hormone, produced primarily in the testes and responsible for the development and maintenance of male secondary sex characteristics) plays such a critical role in sexual fulfilment. I realised it works like a machine in a manufacturing industry that must complete its process before stopping. If the machine is stopped mid-way, all the products on the assembly lines are wasted. Waste creates loss, and loss is painful because it limits the profit level of the organisation. The same way, I realised, that a man is wired in such a way that once aroused, if he doesn’t see to its end (Sexual Intercourse), it is emotionally painful for the man. If any man will admit the truth in that instance, he is usually lost in logical reasoning. A man literarily becomes a baby whenever he is in this mould because of the high level of the homorne in his system. Now men have different levels of maturity, and the maturity of a man determines his level of self-control, which ultimately affects his attitude.

Wives, you don’t want to see the outcome of negative attitude (resulting from denying him sex) in your man. I thought I had control over mine until I caught myself with the attitude described earlier on. There are many problems that comes up in families as a result of poor sexual management among couples when it is not adequately dealt with. This problems will be considered when we get to the implications of poor management of sex in marriage. The damage this subject is bringing to families is alarming, and this is a great concern for me. It is with this in mind that this series came to mind. Come along with me as we navigate through this subject.

Please note that;

1. Sex is very good within the context of marriage.

2. It is meant for both parties to enjoy and not endured.

3. It is not meant for one party to enjoy without concern for the other party, whether or not s/he experience the same pleasure.

4. You should not be shy of expressing your concern. You are meant to be naked before each other without any sense of shame.

5. You are meant to desire each other.

These makes it necessary to be considered in this series.

The objective of this post is to;

1. Help you see that your concerned sexual experience is not beyond remedy. Opting out most of the time is not the best route to take. There is no guarantee that you will not meet a similar, if not worse case in another relationship.

2. Helps improve your current sexual relationship.

It will be appreciated if you can give feedback on this subject through the link below. This is not about populating the search engine with another resource material, but to create a platform that can address your unique experience that needs attention. It will be approached in a dynamic way in order to respond to all feedbacks gathered from the series. For more personalised counselling, please send a mail to senseportal@gmail.com

The next post will look at the sexual needs of both the wife and husband.