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MARRIAGE GAPS: Conflict Resolution|The Essence

Posted by : Dele Agbogun Posted date : March 31, 2013 In Marriage 0

About a month towards my wedding in July 2002, I experienced what I will say was a big surprise to me about the rate of disagreements and conflicts with my then, intended spouse. What I noticed was that each time we had a decision to make, we usually come up with different opinions regarding the issue. With each disagreement, the person whose opinion had to be dropped felt slighted. At some point, I thought to myself; “Is this how our marriage will be like?” The sustaining strength was the conviction and assurance I had from the beginning of our relationship. I realized how many people pull out of relationships close to their wedding day. If you don’t have something to hold on to as an anchor or assurance for the relationship, you will most likely be unable to sustain it.

After our wedding, I realized it is actually an on-going trend with dynamics changing over time as your level of maturity increases. The fact that there are opposing views explained the gaps usually experienced in marriage. Success in your family life is precedence to success in other areas of your life..

Below are some of the factors responsible for conflicts in Marriage:

1. Inability to Manage Opposing Views: Conflict is the open, hostile opposition occurring as a result of different viewpoints between husband and wife. While disagreement has to do with opinion differences, hostility goes further to hurting your spouse. There is no relationship that is immune to potential conflicts.

2. Selfish Desires and Passions: In a conflict, the emphasis is always on self. We tend to focus on “me” and “mine” – my ideas, my rights and my feelings. In conflicts, our conversation is saturated with statements that promote, protect and draw attention to ourselves.

3. Psychological Immaturity: This makes the individuals petty and they magnify trivial matters; majoring on the minor issues and paying little or no attention to the major issues concerning their lives. This also makes the individuals susceptible to external influences, whereby they run their lives based on what others think or say about them.

We will take a look at this post on conflict resolution from four angles. The first will be to understand the essence of conflict in marriage relationship, followed by the outcomes of bad management, then the outcomes of good management, and finally creating an opportunity to deal with it, with certain variables under considerations.

Marriages where spouses claim absence of conflict are a display of deceit. The flip side of this is having a mind-set that “Conflicts are absurd things to happen in Marriage”. The issues that give rise to conflicts in marriage relationship are not as critical as how the individuals involved handle it. There are instances where trivial matters in some relationships leads to big problems, whereas in others, a more serious problem at the end of the day is successfully resolved.

Your understanding and perspective to conflict related matters goes a long way to determine the success in your home. The place of conflict in marriage relationships could either make or mar it depending on the level of maturity of the parties involved. My personal experience will be looked at in line with the direction this series of posts will take.