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MARRIAGE GAPS: Conflict Resolution | Good Management

Posted by : Dele Agbogun Posted date : April 15, 2013 In Marriage 0

For the outcome of conflict handling to be positive, good management is critical. The good management requires maturity in understanding and handling. It is not as easy as it sounds. But if your vision is to have a lasting home, then it is the route to take, giving it all necessary compromises required to get it right. Achieving that balance between individual opinions is where the real work lies.

The followings are possible outcomes of good management;

1. It leads to growth and maturity. My wife and I disagreed on more issues some years back than we do today. We started out about eleven years ago by making resolutions that whatever issues we have, we will wrestle them until we have the victory in the home. One major agreement we had was to make sure issues are not allowed to escalate outside of the four walls of the home. The interesting thing about this whole picture is that, when you are able to resolve one issue, you have succeeded in knocking out one factor capable of ruining your home out of the way. It gives you understanding and mastery over similar occurrence later on in the future. It truly makes you mature and also helps strengthen your relationship.

2. Opens your eyes to the need to change in your marriage. When you repeatedly do the same thing and you repeatedly hit a wall, common sense suggests that you need changes in your approach to get it right. One common trend earlier on in my marriage was my silence when we have disagreements; due to our different personality types. I am predominantly Phlegmatic and Melancholy while she is Choleric and Sanguine. Her personality type want issues resolved now, but I want to take my time to process it before responding. The time lapse was a major issue for us because by the time I was ready, she’s already very angry with me. I have to make deliberate effort over the years to cut down on the time lapse, though not yet up to her expectation, but it has been a great improvement. All these happened because I saw the need for me to change. When she saw the effort from my end, it showed her that I was sensitive to her concern for the issues generated by my long silence.

3. It raises your level of tolerance to opposing views. Over time, you realize that there are certain things you can change, and some change to some extent, while for others there is little or nothing you can do to make the changes. There was a message I once heard “Irreconcilable Difference, a Blessing”. The way you see it will affect your attitude. If you are bent on forcing the change, some of them will only inflict pain and frustration on you. When you experience the aspect of difference in your spouse that you cannot change, you should see it as an added flavor to your home. After all, we cannot all have same approach to everything in life.

4. It strengthens the bond of unity. The more the understanding, the more the unity, and subsequently the more the bond between both parties. The growth and maturity experience stated in the first point ultimately aids the bond between you and your spouse. The essence of this bonding is to filter out any residual friction generated by the process of trying to understand each other better.

5. It helps the synergy between husband and wife. It helps concentrate energy and efforts in one direction to get a bigger result, relative to individual effort. When purposes are unified, it reduces unnecessary dissipation, and increases the productivity level of both parties.

There will always be differences in our opinions, attitudes, approach and way of life. Compromises becomes inevitable to balance out my ways with her ways. Individual way will not result into a happy ending, neither is compromise going to be that easy, but when you put these two on a balance, unhappy ending should certainly be avoided and play along the tough route.

Having understood the bad and good outcomes in conflict handling, it is important to look at dealing with it the right way in order to experience the desired outcome. I will be sharing personal experiences as a case study to help drive the point home. Look out for the final part in the conflict resolution series.