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MARRIAGE GAPS: Choice

Posted by : Dele Agbogun Posted date : March 24, 2013 In Marriage 0

CHOICES

Eleanor Roosevelt said: In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves; the process continues until we die, and the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.

We made choices to get to where we are in life. The choices of yesterday are the realities of today. The dictionary described choice as the power, right, or liberty to choose; option.

When it comes to marriage, the choice you make in deciding who to marry will determine the outcome of your married life. We have different philosophy when it comes to human relationships. Our philosophy is formed from where we got our training from (parents, circumstances of life, friends, and culture). These form the basis from which you make decisions for the power, right or liberty mentioned earlier.

Your understanding will obviously influence your choice. When I was to make this decision over a decade ago, I had an understanding of what I wanted in marriage. The following capture in summary my philosophy and basis for my choice;

I wanted someone who has a good relationship with God
I wanted someone who has a good family where love is cherished among all members of the family
I considered my temperament traits of Phlegmatic and Melancholy, and decided to be married to someone with choleric traits
I wanted someone that is intelligent, and can take decision on my behalf in the event I am not around in a given situation
I wanted someone with cheerful disposition and a loving heart.

I grew up seeing my parents advance in age, and yet remained together till date. My father is now 75 years of age and my mum is 68 years old, and their marriage is 48 years old. In my growing years, even though we (my siblings and I) witnessed the period of disagreements and quarrels, the fact that they remained together imprinted a lasting value in us to know that whatever the issue, you need to remain together to resolve those issues.

This might not be same for everybody. The highlighted points below might describe your on situation;

Born out of wedlock and parents were not ready for marriage
Parents separated due to unresolved issues when you were still very young
Grew up in a polygamous home where strife and hatred prevails
Grew up with foster parents
Adopted from an orphanage or welfare home.

The two major categories stated above have a way of reinforcing your choice due to the influence it has on you. What I want to make clear here is that you need to be deliberate about your choice. If you are among the first category stated, success is not automatic because you have your own choice to make. The choice of your parents was taken during their time. Your time is different and possibly has a different approach because of your own dispensation and uniqueness.

If you fall into the second category, success can still be experienced. The choice is primarily yours. The reason this post is coming at a time as this. If it seems bleak, then you need some counsel to help you connect the dots.

Denis Waitley said; there are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them.