Success in your marriage is rooted in your understanding of the needs of your spouse. Some couples enter into this phase of their lives without adequate information and preparation. People have different reasons for getting married. This is due to different levels of understanding (which stems from; upbringing, culture, beliefs and environment). When your understanding is warped, it will impact negatively on your marriage. The critical index to look at is the capacity to understand the needs of your spouse. If this is missing for the newlyweds, it poses a lot of strain between couples, and this has a high tendency to invite a third-party into the situation if not properly handled. Some of the third-party intervention can escalate the situation. 

Here are tips worthy of note for both parties.

Needs of the Woman;

1. Companionship: It requires the husband engaging the wife on the subjects of goals, career, aspiration etc. This act fosters unity and bonding between spouses. It is very important for a woman to feel needed in a marriage and this can be achieved through active participation. The man should deliberately take time out of his tight schedule to spend quality time with his wife. When your wife perceives your deliberate attempt to be with her, it deepens her affection for you because it makes her feel needed. 

2. Protection: Every woman wants some measure of security, she wants to be sure that her financial future and that of her children is safe. She wants to be sure that though the beginning of your journey together is rough, she wants to be sure that plans are in place that will guarantee security (which in a lot of instances represents financial security). She would rather sweat now and enjoy the sweetness later or endure the pain temporarily and gradually grow into the financial freedom.

3. Healthy Self-Esteem. A woman wants to be treasured, cherished and honored. Value her above others after God, and you can do this by not reacting to her words, rather, be sensitive to her motives. It is also showing care and looking for every opportunity to praise her. What you value and appreciate in your wife is what she will strive to constantly display to you. This will contribute greatly to her sense of worth, which will in turn impart positively on your marriage.

4. Romance. Be creative in showing affection towards your wife. She needs to see that you balance work life with your family life. Allow fun to be present in your family by deliberately creating room for romance. Once in a while get away to be alone, dinner for two, take her to the movies, etc. Maintain the tempo of the chemistry that existed before you got married in order to keep the fire burning. There is a tendency for the intensity of your affection to reduce after the wedding, this suggests that you have to deliberately work at it to ensure that you keep it alive. A man is wired with a sense of accomplishment, and this explains why the intensity of affection drops after the wedding, but this trend must not be allowed to fester because it poses a threat to the life of the marriage.

Needs of the Man 

1. Respect: Men are wired to hold respect in high esteem. Any act suggestive of lack of regards generates unfavorable reaction from the man. His inherent nature is largely characterized by dominion, goal-getting, the one in charge, initiator, leader, etc. Respect to a man is translated – submission, acknowledgement, to defer and possibly to reverence. Women need to understand this in order to build a successful marriage. Does this suggest that it is only the man that needs respect? Absolutely not. The truth is, there is need for mutual respect, the effect on men is more pronounced than on women.

2. Sex: Humans are sexual beings, and the emotion of sex is part of our wiring. The strongest emotion known to man is sex, second only to survival instinct. The emotion injects adrenalin into the bloodstream and makes us do crazy things. When a man has a high volume of adrenaline pumping into his bloodstream, it has a way of affecting his reasoning. Generally speaking, this effect is more pronounced on men than on women. In the event that your husband is already aroused and you do something to prevent him from having sex, you will experience a strong reaction from him. The extent of reaction is a function of the level of psychological maturity. 

3. Encouragement: As strong as a man is, he has his weak areas that only the wife may know about. To the world he might be a tough, principled chief executive, while at home he is a husband who has emotions and weak areas obvious to the wife. When you pay attention to these areas and help him to manage them, this will enhance the chances of success in your marriage. After a bad day (rough day’s job, issues with boss, hard-work not appreciated in the office, some set-backs, etc), he needs someone to encourage him.

Key Indicators to look out for in your marriage:

1. Lack of romance and intimacy

2. Inability to have fun together

3. Selfishness

4. Fear of Conflict

5. Lack of Respect

6. Lack of Commitment

If you observe a trend that depicts one or more of the above key indicators in your marriage, it is a Red Alert that requires urgent attention because of its potential for ruining your chances for a successful marriage.