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INFIDELITY | What Triggers It?

Posted by : Dele Agbogun Posted date : November 24, 2014 In Marriage 0

Frankly speaking, Infidelity doesn’t just descend on any individual in a home. It usually evolves most of the time without infidelity in view. When physical interaction starts and boundaries are not strictly set for someone other than your spouse, by the time you finally get close to those boundaries, it usually proves really difficult to stop crossing the line. The reason being that the momentum had been gathered and developed, and provisions have not been put in place to curtail the wide fire these feelings bring along.

Oftentimes, It is only when the act is concluded that it becomes crystal clear to the parties how it was wrong for them to have been involved to such an extent. Sadly in some cases, if the reason encouraging this bonding persists, the acts continues until probably the spouse of either/both parties gets to know; this will in turn degenerates the marriage relationship and possibly break the home asunder as it is in some cases.

There are various factors responsible for triggering this. Some time, an event not properly sensed and managed leads to such while in other extreme cases, it is a lifestyle embraced and nurtured from childhood. The inability and nonchalance to eschew any sign of intimacy with an opposite gender usually develop into strong feelings which eventually lead to the secretive act.

Possible factors responsible are listed below:

a. Unhappy home where either party doesn’t give adequate attention to his/her spouse. This is played up in terms of lack of care or love from spouse.

b. Unfulfilled desires by spouse: Most men and women get into marriage with high expectations, especially in the area of care and sex. After getting married, it dawned on such parties that marital life is an embodiment of more factors other than sex and romance. The subject of love languages is also an added factor which if not mastered has the potential of creating misunderstanding between husband and wife. When the misunderstanding is not handled well, someone else outside who doesn’t mind dating a married person and who properly understands the love language can successfully seduce such susceptible spouse to the point of getting the person involved in the act of infidelity.

c. Influence of peer pressure: When you get into gist mode with your friend, you get to understand how he/she deals with his or her own spouse. This sort of discussion either infuses healthy values that further strengthens your marriage relationship or otherwise. My focus here is the negative turn of such discussion. Some of the elements of the discussion revealed how it is more enjoyable playing the infidelity game. You hear stuff like, “if he/she cannot give you happiness, why not seek it from someone who can give it. If he/she unnecessarily makes you angry, why not deal with her/him by playing the joker of infidelity. It will make him/her slow down and give you more regards”.

d. Lifestyle evolved from the past by reason of upbringing and association: Some people grew up in homes where this act is practised as a norm by either of their parents or even by both in some cases. The child inhibited and learned to believe that it’s a norm to jump from one man or lady to another.

e. Poor management of conflicts: The everyday issues and trials like differences in opinions, inability to overlook small issues, inability to be flexible to accommodate different approach(es) etc that are poorly managed can push an individual in a marriage relationship out of the house to keep company with someone who seemed to care more or allow the person to have his/her way, whether right or wrong.

f. Separate settlements of husband and wife: When husband and wife live in separate geographical locations and manage to see just a few times in a year, it makes them vulnerable to its possibility.

g. Unguided feelings disguised in the form of likeness towards a spouse’s caring friend or colleagues: This is usually experienced by a spouse who travels a lot or stays out late almost on a daily basis, seven days a week, hanging out with a friend with flexible time close to the family. It all begins with stopping by to say hello to enjoying each other’s company to sharing intimate things to missing each other to wanting each other. At this stage, your subconscious nudges you that what you are about getting into is wrong, but at thesame time, there is a strong emotional pull from within that seems to have an overwhelming hold on you. This act when allowed to linger gets to a stage where infidelity starts (Emotionally involved without sex, physically involved without emotion or both eventually occurs).

h. Inadequate or unfulfilled sex experience between husband and wife: The different libido level between husband and wife has the tendency to create dissatisfaction in one party, and “too much asking” for the other party. When this differences are not handled well, it can push the dissatisfied person out to get sexual satisfaction outside the marital home, even though using this as a means of justification is not supported.

i. Strained relationship between husband and wife: When the different factors stated above are not properly managed, the relationship can be strained. The outcome of such relationship is usually weariness and lost of interest at home. This state makes the person vulnerable to any body that shows a bit of care outside the home.

j. Living at different locations without regular companionship:

As a family life coach, i have witnessed the reasons enumerated above played out in families, resulting to infidelity. The statistics in the introduction has shown that we have quite a number of people going through this family issue.

Man’s yearning for companionship: We are not created for isolation but for association. This innate nature therefore longs for friendship in people. We might say that couples are meant to be faithful and loyal to one another. The truth is, it will always take two committed people to make marriage work. There is just this far an individual can reach towards achieving success in a marriage relationship. The faithful partner might try to some extent, but there is an extent which he/she cannot go beyond. You may ask, “How can i prevent this from happening”? The next article will throw more light with real life examples in this direction.

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