I read a touching story among many stories from “Pandoras Project”, support and resources for survivors of rape and sexual abuse(http://www.pandys.org/survivorstories.html).
When I was a young child I was sexually abused. I dealt with it by never telling anyone, and eventually forgetting it myself. After high school I was date raped, and again I dealt with it by keeping it a secret. Throughout high school and college, I strived to make sure people only saw perfection in me-I was an Honor student, sports captain, hung out with the “good” crowd. But hidden away where no one else could see, there was shame, fear, and guilt. I coped with these feelings by running away from home, abusing drugs and alcohol, sleeping too much or not at all, and engaging in self-injury.
I went through severe depression. I first began thinking about suicide as a young child, and later on I acted on these urges. Beginning in college, I was hospitalized several times. After the first hospitalization, I began receiving therapy. We worked on all of the negative coping mechanisms I used, but I was never able to open up about my past. When asked in therapy, I would lie and say I had never been abused. I just wasn’t able to face that part of me.
I graduated college and obtained my national certification for my profession. But my depression only continued deeper. I continued to be hospitalized and eventually was unable to work. After my last hospitalization, I started with a new therapist. While it was quite evident that I struggled with PTSD, I was still never able to open up about what happened to me. After a couple of years, my therapist suggested that it might be helpful for me to look for online support.
Out of frustration I did a search, and Pandora’s Aquarium came up. I gathered up the courage and checked out the site a few times, but it was very difficult for me to register. My shame and guilt were so strong, and I didn’t feel like I could ever be considered a “survivor”. It was terrifying to think about registering at a place that would identify me as one. Eventually I gathered up the courage to register. I remember shaking so much. It was the first step I took towards healing.
While scary and overwhelming at first, it eventually became such a relief to be able to read other members’ posts and realize that I wasn’t alone
I began to use my voice here and break my silence. No matter what had happened to me, what struggles I had, or what feelings I experienced, there were people here who understood. Reading their posts and seeing their courage gave me the courage to begin posting myself. I received support and understanding, and was slowly able to realize that I didn’t deserve to carry the shame any longer. I began to use my voice here and break my silence after so many years.
All the support and understanding I received at Pandy’s continued to give me courage, and finally, after working with my therapist for years, I was able to tell her what happened to me and begin to work through my past.
I joined Pandy’s two years ago, and it continues to play an instrumental role in my healing journey. With the help of this site, along with my therapist, I have been able to work through much of the shame and fear and guilt. I’ve replaced negative coping mechanisms with healthy ones. I’ve returned to working full-time in a profession I love. I still have my struggles and continue to work on healing, but I’m not alone with them anymore. Pandy’s has given me a place where I can go and let my guard down. I can admit that I’m not ok. I can talk about my struggles, as well as share my victories.
Volunteering as part of the chat mod team has only added to my healing, allowing me to continue to use my voice to help others and give back to a community that has given me so much. I continue to work towards healing, but because of all the support I’ve received, I’ve learned that I’m more than just the pain and shame I held inside for so long. I’ve become a wife, mother, professional, friend, and finally, a survivor.
This extracted story with the statistics given in the last article show the serious need to address the emotional consequences of abuses. Allow me to start by saying that negative emotions are real and we must admit the reality that it is important we deal with it adequately. Negative emotions can result from different factors, but for the purpose of this article, I will attempt to address the possible implications resulting from an abuse and the next article will be on helpful tips on how it can be handled.
Emotions represent the internal expression of a changed tonus of neuropsychological activity which is reflected in all aspects of the human psyche and organism (Lebedinsky and Myasishchev, 1966, p. 222). Emotions do not exist only in psychological terrain but also in the physiological state of an organism. Forgive me for going into psychological and physiological terminologies.
When you are sexually assaulted, it means someone has violated your sexual dignity. And as such inflicts emotional pains which can play out in many ways depending on the person’s personality and the ability to handle the nightmare.
Also, making a wrong choice of getting sexually involved before your marriage and the feeling of shame and guilt that come with it also have a similar, though lesser impact on an individual.
The story we read is very instructive on the reality of such a painful experience, the implications on how we go about dealing with this ugly monster and the fact that it is possible for you to be healed. The source of the abuse could be from your relations, lecturer/teacher or colleagues and it usually starts from a tender age.
The experience this trauma leaves the affected person has serious negative implications. Let us run through some of these effects and how best one can get off its hook.
Denial of the reality.This denial can come in the form of showing people that everything is perfectly okay with you, even when the incident is eating you up on the inside. We saw this happened in the story we just read. Another way this denial plays out is when such individual believes that the experience is actually not real. This stage is characterized by the person in question acting as if everything is okay, making strong assertion on some views just to communicate to you that nothing is actually wrong. Anyone at this critical phase needs help because if it goes on for long, it gets to the stage where it starts affecting your mind and your health as the case was in this story. The person might not give you any indication that he or she needs this help.
Self-condemnation.When such an incident like this happens, it usually leads to self-condemnation. The story given in this article shows this. The fear of allowing people to know about it makes you keep it to yourself. If it has to do with sexual assault, you will keep looking at why it has to be you, you would want to possibly withdraw from people because of its impact on your life, probably thinking; “if you have not gone to that place, it would not have happened, etc…”. If it is as a result of wrong choice, you switch into a blame mode and most likely crucify yourself for been so naïve, stupid and will keep blaming yourself. Travelling down this self-condemning trip will make the situation worse and could make it practically impossible to get off its hook if something drastic is not done. I am aware that it is a very difficult situation to be in. I am also aware that it is not easy to get out of it just like that. However, we need to ask God to help us reason objectively in such a critical situation. We need to also put these questions before us: What outcome will this self-condemning approach bring into my life? What impact will the bitterness that resulted from this incident leaves in my life? What will the revengeful thought/action taken bring to my life at the end of the day? These questions are endless, depending on the level of negative impacts this has on the person’s emotional state. Self condemnation will make the state of things worse. When you allow yourself to be emotionally driven into a more severe state, you are actually allowing the person who did this to you to have a winning edge over you. I know it is not easy, but allowing God to step into your emotions and also surrounding yourself with trusted, matured, non-judgmental and understanding person or people would help. This will help in the healing process. The other thought that suggests you must keep to yourself will be more destructive to your emotional state.
Lack of openness and self-condemnation carried on for a long time can lead to self-doubt which subsequently results in depression. A state where you are asking all sorts of regrettable questions, wondering why it must be you that this happened to you. Depression is an internal negative emotional state. A state of sadness, sorrow or discouragement. It spreads like cancer and if not tackled fast and adequately, it can possibly lead to poor physical health and mental cases which our story buttressed.
Critical and judgmental.The emotional state as a result of an assault has a way of shaping the orientation of the victim. The orientation makes the person view the opposite sex as being the same in the negative light. You will hear statements like “All men or women are the same”. Conclusions are drawn with the fixed opinion of what to expect from the opposite sex. When your view becomes fixed, it alters the essence of relationship. The more people having such view, the more chaos we stand to experience in our society and nation at large.
Memories, recurrence and remembrance are other words to qualify this. There is a sense in which when help is not welcomed, imaginary “repeat button” would continue to replay the incident in one’s mind. And each time that happens, it re-opens the internal wound the experience had caused.
Becomes Suicidal.When help is not sought after and there is a prolong silence and cover up, thoughts like “It would be better to take one’s life than going around with a guilty and shameful conscience” will be on your mind. The idea of such negative thoughts is premised on the fact that nobody must get to hear of what happened to me, the thinking that it is only me this happened to. Such are reasons why the thought of suicide comes up.
Revengeful Mission.There are some instances where the victim becomes prejudiced from the incident that all men or women are the same. This state of mind has the possibility of resulting in the desire to get back at the opposite sex. The internal pain conditions the mind and influences the person’s behavioural attitude towards the opposite sex. It is a dangerous state to be because you will see this played out in different forms; drinking, smoking, doing drugs and deliberately breaking the hearts of the opposite sex.
Scientific description of what emotion means: http://link.springer.com/article/10.1007%2F978-1-4899-0591-8_2/lookinside/001.png
According to Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network(RAINN), victims are:
3 times more likely to suffer from depression.
6 times more likely to suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder.
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Handling Emotional trauma From Sexual Abuse
I read a touching story among many stories from “Pandoras Project”, support and resources for survivors of rape and sexual abuse(http://www.pandys.org/survivorstories.html).
When I was a young child I was sexually abused. I dealt with it by never telling anyone, and eventually forgetting it myself. After high school I was date raped, and again I dealt with it by keeping it a secret. Throughout high school and college, I strived to make sure people only saw perfection in me-I was an Honor student, sports captain, hung out with the “good” crowd. But hidden away where no one else could see, there was shame, fear, and guilt. I coped with these feelings by running away from home, abusing drugs and alcohol, sleeping too much or not at all, and engaging in self-injury.
I went through severe depression. I first began thinking about suicide as a young child, and later on I acted on these urges. Beginning in college, I was hospitalized several times. After the first hospitalization, I began receiving therapy. We worked on all of the negative coping mechanisms I used, but I was never able to open up about my past. When asked in therapy, I would lie and say I had never been abused. I just wasn’t able to face that part of me.
I graduated college and obtained my national certification for my profession. But my depression only continued deeper. I continued to be hospitalized and eventually was unable to work. After my last hospitalization, I started with a new therapist. While it was quite evident that I struggled with PTSD, I was still never able to open up about what happened to me. After a couple of years, my therapist suggested that it might be helpful for me to look for online support.
Out of frustration I did a search, and Pandora’s Aquarium came up. I gathered up the courage and checked out the site a few times, but it was very difficult for me to register. My shame and guilt were so strong, and I didn’t feel like I could ever be considered a “survivor”. It was terrifying to think about registering at a place that would identify me as one. Eventually I gathered up the courage to register. I remember shaking so much. It was the first step I took towards healing.
While scary and overwhelming at first, it eventually became such a relief to be able to read other members’ posts and realize that I wasn’t alone
I began to use my voice here and break my silence. No matter what had happened to me, what struggles I had, or what feelings I experienced, there were people here who understood. Reading their posts and seeing their courage gave me the courage to begin posting myself. I received support and understanding, and was slowly able to realize that I didn’t deserve to carry the shame any longer. I began to use my voice here and break my silence after so many years.
All the support and understanding I received at Pandy’s continued to give me courage, and finally, after working with my therapist for years, I was able to tell her what happened to me and begin to work through my past.
I joined Pandy’s two years ago, and it continues to play an instrumental role in my healing journey. With the help of this site, along with my therapist, I have been able to work through much of the shame and fear and guilt. I’ve replaced negative coping mechanisms with healthy ones. I’ve returned to working full-time in a profession I love. I still have my struggles and continue to work on healing, but I’m not alone with them anymore. Pandy’s has given me a place where I can go and let my guard down. I can admit that I’m not ok. I can talk about my struggles, as well as share my victories.
Volunteering as part of the chat mod team has only added to my healing, allowing me to continue to use my voice to help others and give back to a community that has given me so much. I continue to work towards healing, but because of all the support I’ve received, I’ve learned that I’m more than just the pain and shame I held inside for so long. I’ve become a wife, mother, professional, friend, and finally, a survivor.
This extracted story with the statistics given in the last article show the serious need to address the emotional consequences of abuses. Allow me to start by saying that negative emotions are real and we must admit the reality that it is important we deal with it adequately. Negative emotions can result from different factors, but for the purpose of this article, I will attempt to address the possible implications resulting from an abuse and the next article will be on helpful tips on how it can be handled.
Emotions represent the internal expression of a changed tonus of neuropsychological activity which is reflected in all aspects of the human psyche and organism (Lebedinsky and Myasishchev, 1966, p. 222). Emotions do not exist only in psychological terrain but also in the physiological state of an organism. Forgive me for going into psychological and physiological terminologies.
When you are sexually assaulted, it means someone has violated your sexual dignity. And as such inflicts emotional pains which can play out in many ways depending on the person’s personality and the ability to handle the nightmare.
Also, making a wrong choice of getting sexually involved before your marriage and the feeling of shame and guilt that come with it also have a similar, though lesser impact on an individual.
The story we read is very instructive on the reality of such a painful experience, the implications on how we go about dealing with this ugly monster and the fact that it is possible for you to be healed. The source of the abuse could be from your relations, lecturer/teacher or colleagues and it usually starts from a tender age.
The experience this trauma leaves the affected person has serious negative implications. Let us run through some of these effects and how best one can get off its hook.
Scientific description of what emotion means: http://link.springer.com/article/10.1007%2F978-1-4899-0591-8_2/lookinside/001.png
According to Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network(RAINN), victims are:
3 times more likely to suffer from depression.
6 times more likely to suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder.
13 times more likely to abuse alcohol.
26 times more likely to abuse drugs.
4 times more likely to contemplate suicide.
For More enquiry and question(s)
Twitter: @deleagbogun, Facebook: Bamidele Agbogun
Email: mail@sensportal.org
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