The moment you get married, you have automatically entered into a larger family. In your new family, you have additional parents and siblings. The approach you are used to with your parents and siblings will be redefined by the new family because of the obvious and expected differences from them. Having the mindset that things will continue smoothly the same way it has always been with your immediate family will be a display of self-deceit. The parents and siblings he/she lived with for a few decades before you came into his/her life will put a responsibility on you to re-appraise your approach. Oftentimes, they are your spouse’s closest kith and kin. Your coming into the scene permanently as a soulmate to him/her will naturally generate stiff reactions from them. Intuitively, some of the key family members are closely scrutinizing you on the motive behind your decision to join the family.
Depending on the family background that the spouse comes from, some of the suspicions could be:
Putting all of these factors into consideration, the intending couples/the couples should act wisely. Your approach should not be about getting rid of your In-laws, but understanding the motives behind their action(s) towards your home.
Over the years, I have come to realise that most times the stated reasons above are largely responsible. When you examine the intention behind the reasons, you will come to terms that applying wisdom will be a far better approach than forcefully trying to have your way. The intention really borders on care for their son/daughter, not hate towards you. You stand a chance to either win them to your side or ignite their suspicion into flame. The apt truism is that the approach you choose will determine the kind of response you will get from them.
Several times, i have explained to those concerned that APPROACHES might not necessarily be a representation of INTENTIONS. Most of the times, intentions are good but approaches are not good enough. I have seen several real life experiences where intentions of in-laws were misinterpreted.
I know of a case where the mother of the wife loves to come with items to the daughter’s home from time to time. The husband didn’t like the idea because he felt it was becoming over excessive. He also felt that at times, she comes and brings things unannounced without his and the wife’s agreement. Thus, this created a heated argument and eventually resulted to quarrel because on some occasions, the wife will neither notify nor duscuss with the husband about her mother’s imminent visit. The time he gets to know is when the mother arrives in their house. Moreover, the matter became complicated when she started bringing certain stuffs that the husband does not believe in using in the house. As long as the wife is concerned, nothing was wrong with the item being used in the house. This trend resulted to the husband being at loggerhead with the mother in-law. Having issues with the in-law obviously equals to having issues with the wife. The situation was so messy that it led to conflicts between parents. Counselors and pastors had to step in to help reduce the friction between the families. The matter was not totally resolved, only to a manageable stage. The parties now mind what they do and say. This is not a perfect representation of what is expected between in-law relationships.
In this true life scenario, it could be the other way round in other families. It will be relevant to look at a few tips one can use to deal with an overbearing attitude from in-laws.
all differ. Therefore, because of the differences in the approach, they might think you are not doing certain things the way you ought to do them, and not adhering to them will be seen as being insolent and arrogant. To this extent, it therefore requires, that you have an agreement and understanding with your spouse. In addition, use wisdom in communicating this when the need arises. Their efforts MUST be genuinely appreciated, but you have to respectfully take some positions in certain regards. Though some, you can accept as long as it doesn’t have any harmful effect on your children or home.
A proper understanding of in-laws’ ways will help to handle matters objectively. The focus of this article is “Overbearing Caring In-laws”. You can choose to focus on the positive word, ‘caring’ in the phrase and use it to justify the overbearing. It is because they care in the first place, that was why they were attempting to do what we are now calling overbearing. To them it is mere care but to the party concerned, it’s perceived as overbearing. The real intent is care however the action might not be pleasant. Let us see how the real intention can be used to appreciate them and ask God for wisdom to deal with the boundary issue when it starts becoming OVERBEARING.
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