Appreciating Your Partner!

Appreciating one’s partner implies recognizing the worth he or she has. We can qualify it with other words, such as; value, respect, cherish, admire, hold in high regard or esteem, think highly of or have a high opinion of your partner.

Relationship exists in the first place because of the uniqueness of value you perceive in the person. It would be difficult to say you are in a relationship or in love with someone you don’t cherish or hold in high regard. This, therefore, means that there are values, not necessarily written, that serve as the oxygen of a relationship (single or married). If the premise on which a relationship started hinges on this, then it would be a great harm to the relationship if the same values are not sustained.

I remember occasions when I lose sight of appreciating my wife. Sometimes she would keep quiet until it was repeatedly done before she would call my attention to it. And by the time she called my attention to it; the appreciation would have lost its value because she demanded it. Therefore, appreciating your partner should come naturally to you and should not be demanded. When you truly love and appreciate your partner, waiting for the appreciation to be demanded would be a sign that you don’t value him or her. And if you are not used to this, probably because of your upbringing or culture, you would need to start learning it in order to start experiencing a new life in your relationship. Such times when my wife brought it to my attention, whatever I said afterwards, no matter how romantic, wouldn’t really strike any cord because it would turn out to be mechanical to her. I therefore strive to make sure that whenever she makes her hair, it is appreciated, as well as other aspects, I deliberately make statements that communicate my gratitude to her and how privileged I am to have her as my wife and also the mother of our children.

How can we express our appreciation in practical terms?

1. Validate his or her value in your life. You have to genuinely express your gratitude in such a way that shows that your partner’s values in your life makes a whole world of difference. You don’t have to make it appear like a mere sweet talk. It must be a sweet talk that is genuinely expressed from your heart. Interestingly, when it comes from the heart, your partner would connect with the sincerity in it; this life has a way of connecting when the deep calls to the deep. It fosters deep connection between partners and also increases the chances of succeeding in that relationship.
2. Communicate how you feel through notes or letters. Notes and letters could be through any of the social media platforms or a physical card and letter. In your absence, your words through those notes and letters, would represent your emotional presence. You might not be physically present, but your emotional presence will make a lot of difference in the life of your partner. I am not encouraging deliberate physical absence. I am saying when you are inevitably absent; this would help reduce the impact of your absence.
3. Be attentive. Another way you could show gratitude is being attentive. You must develop your listening skills. When you display effective listening skills, what you are literally communicating to your partner is that you value his or her opinions. Displaying poor listening skills will communicate insensitivity, pride or disrespect. This might not really be your intention, but these are really the vibes you send out when you don’t pay attention to your partner when he or she is speaking. In my earlier years of marriage, I was fond of quickly saying what I had in mind without paying a close attention to what my wife had to say; I found myself cutting in and breaking into her communication. And a few of those occasions, she really gave it to me because candidly, it could be very annoying as I have come to realize. Poor listeners hear themselves and they want to be heard without necessarily hearing others. It is therefore important to have this understanding that being attentive to your partner is synonymous to expressing gratitude.
4. Deliberately doing things together. Partners, who do things together, show to a large extent that they long for each other to the point that they want their interests to be harmonized. Example of harmonizing interests are; helping out with chores, watching movies together, having a getaway trips, lying down together to jointly discuss how their future will play out etc. When value is placed on spending time together, it is also a way to express gratitude because it is the person you hold in high esteem you spend time with.

Do not underestimate the power of expressing gratitude to your partner; it is a principle of life. What you give is what you get out. In the same vein, what you give in terms of expressing gratitude is what you get back from your partner. The interesting way it works is that you even get more than you have given. You need to resolve it in your mind to be a giver of gratitude and not a taker. A taker focuses on being appreciated and when it doesn’t happen, feels offended. But a giver maintains an outward position to offer the gratitude. Therefore, Parties in relationships (singles and the married) should cultivate this habit in their relationships and they will be on their way to experiencing relationship bliss.

Remember, your relationship can experience bliss!