When runners crumple from exhaustion midway through a marathon, do we blame luck or fitness?
When the heavily favored basketball team loses to the underdog, is it chance or effort?
I used to be an athlete. I am gifted for sprints, especially in the 100 meters dash. I represented my school during my high school and the first year of my university. When it became obvious that I was not going to get the support of the university, despite representing the school at the inter university level competitions (NUGA), I stopped running at the competitive level. Threatened that if i miss out of any test or exam, I am fully on my own, despite competing on behalf of the school, I applied wisdom by quitting the quest.
I did this because I could not afford to go to my parents and tell them I have to do an extra semester or session due to the financial state of the family.
Well, this story is saved for another time. The summary, I quit, and this was about 1989, 1990. Fast forward, 26, 27 years later, I compete at my children’s inter house sports. Still have some of the skill and shape, but fitness was out of it. I remembered on occasions when I will experience muscle pull at the middle of the night. This is really funny.
What is my point here? Without preparedness, it’s impossible. No amount of luck can take the place of fitness.
Relationships are a lifetime adventure of continual growth through failure and achievement. And with the adventure comes a challenge to be your best in all ways while helping your partner do the same.
Fit for relationship becomes an inevitable subject to discuss, understand and have a firm grip on before stepping into marriage.
Your state of fitness in a relationship will largely determine how your relationship will turn out.
Is fitness, especially for a guy all about physical built, material possessions or academic qualifications? These are really positive attributes, but are not what guarantees the sustainability of a relationship. Injuries are largely about fitness, not luck or partner’s fault that lots of people project out there.
Daniel Dowling poses some vital questions I thought will be very useful for any man to use to gauge his fitness for a lasting relationship.
The first set of questions is to prepare and gauge the state of fitness of your mind. The second set is to mirror which role you will be playing in the relationship. Parties in relationships always play roles. The roles might either be taking value from the relationship or adding to it.
The more sincere you are in your answers, the clearer the state of your readiness will be shown.
Are you ready?
Questions that will help you prepare your mind:
What do I want out of a relationship? (MOTIVES)
What do I have to give in a relationship? (ARE YOU AN ASSET OR NOT?)
What do I want to create through my relationship? (SENSE OF VALUE)
Do I seek comfort in relationships, or do I seek challenge? (SELFISHNESS OR SELFLESSNESS?)
In what ways have I prepared myself for a relationship? (WHAT VALUE ARE YOU BRINGING TO THE TABLE)
Am I dependable enough for a relationship? (TRUST WORTHY)
Am I honest enough? (TRUST WORTHY)
Strong enough? (HEALTHY)
Happy enough? (HEALTHY)
Selfless enough? (SELFISH OR SELFLESSNESS)
Vulnerable enough? (TRANSPARENT)
Patient enough? (SELF CONTROL)
Persistent enough? (SELF CONTROL)
Do I seek to give before I receive? (SELFISHNESS OR SELFLESSNESS)
Have I grown in character through my friendships? Do I help my friends to grow? (MATURITY)
Real questions that will prepare you for a real relationship:
What five strengths will you bring into your lasting love?
What five weaknesses threaten your relationship?
Are you prepared to see those weaknesses exposed in a relationship?
Do you accept yourself fully as you are?
Are you willing to improve yourself before blaming your spouse? When issues crop up, has your response always been to blame your partner?
Are you prepared to see your partner’s weaknesses, and to accept him or her unconditionally?
Are you willing to be your lover’s best friend first so you have the capability to accept them unconditionally?
Do you have what it takes to last for a lifetime?
Most people get into relationship with a lot of fantasies and unrealistic expectations. Maturity is of utmost importance when getting into one. The following are stated traits that measures maturity:
Self-awareness. Ability to look at yourself with the eye of an observer. You are able to objectively look at yourself and tell yourself the truth about your thoughts, actions and emotions. If it gets in the way of your relationship, you are ready to admit wrong, apologize genuinely and progressively get better at it.
Self-control. Self-control is an offshoot of self-awareness. Until you are able to tell yourself the truth, you might not be able to develop the capacity to put boundaries on your life. Boundaries that will help exercise some restraints towards things that can be detrimental to your wellbeing and that of your partner. This will in a way put your sensitivity and empathy in check.
Accountability. Ability to take responsibilities for your actions in life. It can also mean sharing intimate things with your partner with the sole objective of watching each other’s back.When parties in a relationship are secured, correcting each other will strengthen the bond instead creating feud.
Humility. Having the right estimation of yourself and your partner. You don’t think more highly than you are neither are you thinking less of your partner in the whole arrangement. You share equal values and respect for each other.
Self-acceptance. While it is good to feel valued accompanied with good feelings by your partner’s praises, you don’t build your self-esteem on it. Esteem is an internal affair that can only be sustained from internally generated motivation. Do not seek it from your relationship because it is not externally motivated.
If relationships were meant for anything other than maximum character development, we wouldn’t see our flaws so clearly in them. Relationships have to make us strong.
Growing into fitness is hard because it is an evolving trend that will constantly challenge your flaws and weaknesses. The only way fitness can experience improvement is for you to be willing to deal with those flaws and weaknesses. Be ready to let go of some behavioral and attitudinal patterns you are used to all your life and reaching out to new ways of doing things.
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