The issue of conflict resolution is not passive but active. It requires taking bold steps with risk of being mocked by people who lack understanding. Your focus is on the way forward. It is mainly about solution and not about dwelling on the issues generated. This article intends to look at practical steps needed to succeed. It will help you take out the potential hindrances in conflict resolution.

• Separating issues from persons. In conflicts, attacking the other person would only complicate issues instead of resolving it. You tackle the problem head-on, and sincerely express your concern and feelings as it relates to the issue. Your feelings could be verbalized, but it must “NEVER” get to the point of becoming physical irrespective of the gravity of the situation. Identifying the real issues of the conflict and seeing how you can work your way through them to a satisfactory solution is the best route to follow. You might have witnessed the following phrases from couples during conflicts:

1. You are an unreasonable person.
2. You are good for nothing.
3. You are so disorganised.
4. I regretted marrying you.
5. You are of no value to me.

The list goes on and on…

Check the previous phrases with the corresponding ones below:

1. It is not the way you are taking it. I will appreciate it if you try to see my point of reasoning.
2. I didn’t really like what you did. I believe you can do it in a better way.
3. Sweetheart, I will like us to agree to put things in their proper place.
4. We have so many differences on how we deal with issues between us. Let us discuss and see how we can harmonize each other’s views.
5. Our priorities differ in some areas. I must also admit that we both have weaknesses. Is it possible to celebrate each other’s differences?

• Refuse to retreat from it. You have to muster courage to constructively confront issues as they come. Retreating from them is postponing the evil day. It is usually not a good experience to have something bottled up. This creates negative feelings in a person and has the potential of damaging the relationship. Research shows that about 70% of illnesses recorded are Psychosomatic, which are stress induced. One of the causes of stress is prolonged unresolved conflicts. There was a time in my marriage that I would rather avoid conflict than confront it. This went on for a period of time, and to my greatest surprise one day, I blurted out over a small issue that I shouldn’t have, that my wife was taken aback. Shocked at my reaction, I realized that the prolonged unresolved issues I had bottled up were responsible. I learnt a bitter lesson from that experience because I uttered words that really hurt my wife. The truth is, the earlier you resolve issues as they come up, the more you are able to handle it successfully. My temperament traits of Phlegmatic and Melancholy contributed to the bottling up without speaking out until that faithful day. My candid advice is for you to be deliberate about resolving issues and not running away from them. You need to learn more about character development in marriage to be able to identify your strengths and weaknesses and those of your spouse. Recommended book is; “Why You Act the Way You Do”, by Tim Lahaye.

I will conclude on these effective ways in the next article. Till I come your way next time, ALWAYS REMEMBER;  “You can experience bliss in your relationship”.