What attract parties in a relationship together before marriage may become the bone of contention after marriage.
There is a sense in which attributes in a person tend to attract the other person in a relationship. In some instances, personalities play out in such a way that you admire some of the traits you don’t have in the other person.
I remembered my Premarital relationship experience with my babe of over sixteen years in marriage now. I had traits of an introvert while she possesses traits of an extroverts.
An introverted person is that one that is easy going, non confrontational. This person has the tendency to procrastinate, diplomatic and also sensitive to words.
The extroverted person is a goal getter, take charge person, fearless and confrontational. This person hates procrastination and not as diplomatic as the introverted person. Says things exactly the way they are whether it hurts someone in a team or not.
The first described me to a large extent while the second looks more like traits in my wife.
I don’t want to bore you with too much details. However these exist at varying degrees from person to person, explaining different intensities in different relationships.
Well, back to my story. While we were dating, I noticed my slow to making decision was not the same with her. I want to have everything figured out before making the move. She on the other hand has the ability to make quick mental decision that beats my imagination. It actually got my attention. She has strong relationship with God which was my number 1 consideration. Next to this was the traits.
I got attracted to her. Little did I know that I am going to be dealing with this on a daily basis, under the same roof, the rest of our lives.
After wedding, we had to make a number of decisions together. Now, this is where the big deal is. Before wedding, we don’t see everyday and we don’t necessarily have to make joint decision(s). Now we have to because we are building our family together with a picture of the future in mind.
When we have to make decision, I tend to be the slow one. She is angry because it looks like taking forever to make up my mind. On the other hand, I feel rushed to decide. Hmn, managing this is really a big deal. I decided to use this part to buttress the quote I started with. In your case, it might play out from a different area. We want to do things in a certain way totally different from our partner’s ways.
How Do We Deal With This?
Understanding. You need to come to terms that it is not about you alone. You need to understand that two good accommodating opinions are usually better than one. You need to understand that both of you have divergent views due to different background experiences. You need to understand that something is wrong “IF” both parties make it look that everything is perfect. No relationship or marriage is perfect. We are all “Work-In-Progress(WIP)”.
Learn about the personality traits. If you are not sure how to go about this, do a mail to firstname.lastname@example.org. You need to take some assessment tests. It will give you broader perspective. This will put you in a position to make informed decision.
Be flexible. Keep an open mind. Don’t be rigid and fixed to your old ways of doing things. Be open to accommodate contrary views/opinions.
Be courageous. Be bold to take the needed steps. In order not to allow the quote become a reality in your marriage, be courageous to do the needful. Don’t ride on the societal tide. See what is best for your marriage and engage it.
Even though it happens in some relationships, it doesn’t necessarily make it right. We should be able to change the earlier narrative from
“What attract parties in a relationship together before marriage may become the bone of contention after marriage”.
“What attract parties in a relationship together before marriage may become the basis for strengthening it after marriage”.
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