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BEFORE YOU SAY I DO | Understanding Your Partner’s Concept

Posted by : Dele Agbogun Posted date : September 4, 2014 In Marriage 0

Recalling the previous post, the various concepts of relationship held by individuals explain the reason we have different scenarios played out in relationships. We have it played out in different ways to the point that anyone ignorant of the right concept of relationship would be left confused. It was stated in the last article that we have various concepts of relationship. These various concepts of relationship which form the basis for marriage will be discussed here briefly;

1. Relationship is meant for the two partners to enjoy each other’s bodies and have a nice time without necessarily committing themselves to marriage;

Although the involvement of sex in relationship is such an interesting and enjoyable experience, one question I keep asking myself is if all that I look forward to in a relationship is sex, then what happens after having it over and over again. What other things should I look forward to? Will satisfying my sexual urge give me the total fulfilling experience as a human being? What happens IF pregnancy results from such relationship? How will I feel as the father or mother of the child that is involved in this act? What example would I be showing to my siblings or family relations? Am I intending to steer up guilt here, absolutely not? I am just trying to ‘Think Aloud’ so I can have the necessary answers to these questions. I know that everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion but what is being addressed here goes beyond an opinion. It is addressing the possible outcomes of an action. Understanding these outcomes can possibly help the decisions you make in life which will predict the kind of outcomes you experience.

The other possible outcome of this is that one might get tired of the relationship and want to proceed to another one. You may likely find yourself in a cycle of getting in and out of relationships. The issue is that the hurts that result from these cycles have a way of negatively impacting the person that experiences the hurt. The more of these people we have in our world, the more of negative trends in relationships we have to contend with.

2. Relationship is meant to be a period used to confirm the fertility of the woman before a commitment is made for marriage.

I find this very amazing. This category of people has a strong point. I like to see things from a positive standpoint. It is actually true that you cannot confirm the fertility of a woman until sexual interaction occurs. My question is; why is this view one-sided? Because most people in this category believe that it is the woman that should be tested for fertility. Who says problems cannot also be of the man? Who says that the fertility test is the only or main criterion to check out in a relationship that is intended to end in marriage? Who says that the man after testing and discovering that the woman’s fertility is okay will not still proceed to having other affairs?

My own opinion, though subject to debate, is that keeping yourself till marriage is more honorable. I have seen some guys that broke their relationships just because the ladies refused to give in. Most of them claimed the ladies did not truly love them because if they truly did then they would have done anything to prove the love to them. My opinion is if a guy would break a relationship on this grounds, then to that guy, yielding to his sexual advances is of more priority than having sound character, or being God fearing. There will likely be slimmer chances of succeeding in marriage therefore if any lady yields to such a man.

3. Relationship is meant for the two parties to co-habit and possibly have children if necessary just to check out how compatible they are before a commitment is made.

There is possible fallout in such relationships, especially if marriage doesn’t work out. There is also the issue of stepfamilies coming up (Total series on this is on Senseportal.org), such as; hatred, hurt, depression, state of being suicidal among others. It will therefore require careful and painstaking consideration before the final commitments are made. I feel for the people in this category. This is because truthfulness and transparency is not common these days. This therefore makes commitment delayed for as long as possible until the person is convinced after so many years. The likelihood here is that the couple would have lived together for several years and would still call it quit afterwards. Meanwhile, they might have lost great opportunity of actually meeting the right person that would truly value and honour them.

Instead of co-habiting, I feel you can really be a friend to the person while you check out the vitals you desire to see in him or her. When you pray about it and you are equally objective in your assessment you will discover over time the traits and tendencies in the person. The assessment you MUST look out for are; Responsibility, Sensitivity, Care, Love, Accountability, Flexibility and humility. This approach will help you narrow down the chances of making any error in your decision.

4. Relationship is meant to be experimented from person to person until one feels okay with the one to settle with; this obviously will give room to the people in this category to permit the use of the word “Sample” as many ladies or guys as possible. But I will put it on the guys more because there seem to be more men in this category than ladies.

5. Relationship is meant for people to develop close friendship until they get bored or tired of it; this category feels relationship is just one of those things you enjoy in life. They view relationships as purchasing an item for use and after the item’s use expires, you may decide to throw it away and get another one.

Obviously, this category of people is not ready to be responsible for anyone. They are not willing to commit themselves to anything that has the ability to tie them down. People under this umbrella have a reputation of distributing hurts and headache to their victims with their actions.

This should not be considered when you are about to take a decision in your relationship. Someone is asking; how do I know this? Just follow the advice given in point three (3) above and you will discover before it is too late.

6. Relationship leading to marriage is meant to be between people of the same sex: In life, there is always a purpose for everything that exists in our world. Doctor Myles Munroe once said that when the purpose of a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable. The different makeup of a man and a woman have their unique places and roles that make them complement each other perfectly well (physically, emotionally and spiritually).

Permit me to be a bit raw in this instance. As married couples, the penis is meant for the virginal. The anus is meant for passing out wastes, breasts are meant for the husband’s enjoyment and for the purpose of feeding babies. When this arrangement is altered where the penis goes into what was meant for passing out waste, then I am concerned about such arrangement. I know it is debatable, but if they are meant for each other, then pregnancy should be part of the outcomes of this act.

Research has shown that people were never born homosexuals or lesbians. They were actually made. Research also showed that a child has a higher tendency of becoming one when he or she is denied parental love early in life. It is a serious concern that we even have vaccines that can enhance the features of the gender concerned. This concept has its toll on the nation and the world at large.

7. Sexual Relationship doesn’t have to be with a fellow human; it can be with a sex doll, object or digital equipment. God made humans and humans create machines. Certain humans want to enjoy sexual fulfillment with their own creations. A manufacturer has its own secret trade that is difficult to be replicated by another organization. The person that created man put all of these into consideration before coming up with man and woman. Any other way outside this arrangement obviously will not achieve the same fulfillment. A machine is a machine and a human remains human. The internal configuration of humans is dynamic while that of a machine is programmed. The question is; why leave the dynamism in the internal workings and experiences in human and stay with objects? At what point did this mindset set in to assume that there is a better experience with digital equipment than your own warm blooded specie?

This will bring me back to where I started. When the purpose of a thing is not clear, it leaves room for experimenting options. The experimentation is void of boundaries and therefore leaves it in an open ended position.

The concept that sees God as the originator of marriage will centre all its decisions around God’s position in marriage. It puts you in a position of using God’s template to run your relationship which would end in marriage. You might hold a widely but a wrong idea about relationship without necessarily checking it out before embarking on it. You need to allow the truths from God’s position prevail over the facts that you have held on to in order to experience a successful relationship. There are many myths out there that sound logical and believable but you need to take a step backward and reconsider the concept objectively before taking that decision.

The next article will focus on the place of courtship in relationship.