In my last article, I started on the topic; marrying for wrong reasons. In this week’s edition, I will be concluding on the same topic. It is important to note that wrong reasons can rock the foundation of your marriage. When foundation is destroyed, marriage becomes very difficult to build. Except the foundation is re-visited, efforts from either or both parties will be an unending disappointments and frustrations. This explained why I am looking at two-part article on the topic; marrying for wrong reasons.

The following are further wrong reasons you might want to pay attention to:

1. Marrying because of financial status. It is not advisable to be married to a liability. It is equally not right to use ONLY the financial status to judge who to marry. There should be a balance. The relevant question(s) i will suggest a lady or a guy should ask will be:
2. Does this person have a career future?
3. Is this person hungry to get better in life?
4. Does this person show some level of responsibility at the current phase of his or her life?
5. Does this person display any trace of sensitivity and care?
6. Does this person accommodate your contrary opinions some times?
7. Does this person have someone he respects and listens to?
8. Is this person seeing you as a priority or just a second thought in his or her life?
9. Does this person have control over anger management?
10. Does this person acknowledge God’s involvement when making decisions?
11. Does this person have a listening ear?

Do a small arithmetic with me.

Total your yes response

Total your No response

Add zero to each total.

This gives a fair idea of the person you are going to get married to. The higher your percentage on“YES”, the more likely you will succeed in your marriage “IF” you marry the person. The higher the percentage on “NO” the more likely you will fail in your marriage IF you are married to the person.

I will not say this analysis is exhaustive, but it does give you a glimpse into whether you will succeed or not in your marriage.

2. Marrying because it is the next thing to do. After college, job comes. Car(s) and house equally follows in no particular order. The next subconscious thing on the agenda is likely to be marriage. Some people feel in a way that suggests that because the next thing on the line is marriage, they must get into it, whether they are ready for it or not. This shouldn’t be. It is better to get into it prepared than using world-view to decide. You will be doing yourself a great disservice if you tread this path.
3. Marrying to cure loneliness problem. Loneliness is not absence of people around you. It is internal inactivity. It could also happen where you lack sense of clarity and purpose for life. The situation where you jump into family line without this understanding will suddenly make you realise that it is beyond not having friends or people around you. If the internal is not totally dealt with, you can be in the midst of fifty (50) people, yet don’t have a sense of connection from within. A life void of vision is an empty life, playing up in the form of loneliness.
4. Marrying in order to have a continuous sex mate. Sex in a marriage is only one part of the main deal. When someone decides to get into marriage with only sex in view, such person will soon get tired. There is a time you get to after having it for quite a number of times, you feel like experiencing other things aside from sex.

There is a discovery that there is more to marriage than just having sex. When the issue of child bearing, raising children, paying school fees, taking children to hospitals, working on developing the children to becoming a total child crop up, you  will realise that there are other important issues of life that has not been considered.

Meanwhile, when you understand that marriage was instituted by God, then you want to pay attention to how God designed it to be run. When you look further, you will realise that God actually wants you to keep the act of sex till the night of your wedding. He also highlights the importance of sticking to one person. One person is enough job to work on. Increasing the number means increasing the headaches you will experience.

5. Marrying in order to be happy. Your happiness is rooted in your mind. It is more of internal than external. Joy is tied to your connection with God. There is no lasting joy anywhere. If God is taking out, you will embark on unreachable search for joy. Any externally generated happiness is always short-lived. The internally generated joy is like an offspring that wells up from within. It require that you deliberately make up your mind to be happy. Getting married because you think it will bring you happiness is saying that external stimulation will last you a life time. Obviously, this is not going to happen. If you are not happy before getting married, marriage will not bring you happiness either. You cannot give what you don’t have. The current unhappy state of your heart will also inflict sadness on the other partner in the relationship. Wake up to the reality of life. Life will not naturally give you happiness. You have to demand happiness out of the seeming hostile environment you find yourself. It is your choice.
6. Marrying in order to join the league of those that are married. The human nature in younger generation sees peer pressure as one thing that characterised their group. In older people, the issue of class is what is obtainable. Interestingly, I find out that the feelings of being married are another buzz that is generated among some singles. This happens to people whose friends are already married. They look beyond the question of readiness and timing on their part and decide to use other people’s template to run theirs. The time they get involved in a marriage relationship, they discover that the main deal is much bigger than the assumed buzz that pushed them into the league of those that are married.
7. Marrying as a result of pregnancy: The case of unwanted pregnancy or getting someone pregnant doesn’t make the person the perfect candidate to get married to. You might have made a mistake, but you don’t have to make another one. Instead of finding the best way forward, you may compound the issue, depending on your choice. This does not give licence to someone reading this article, noting in his or her mind, after all being pregnant is not an automatic ticket to marriage. If this occurs, you have to bear it in mind, especially the man, that you are responsible for the care of the mother and child. After delivery, you still remain responsible for the mother and child up until the child is weaned. After this stage, you are responsible for the child completely, even in the event that you did not get married to the same lady again.

I usually ask; why get into what one is not ready for? If the impact of the consequences incurred is high, why not wait until one is mature and ready for such responsibility before getting involved sexually.

8. Marrying in order to have a stay permit documents of a particular country: I have seen scores of people going to registry to legalise their union because of stay documents in a country they love to live in. This is called contractual  agreement. I noticed this happens more in developing countries. The reason some gave is; it provides means for livelihood, gives you leverage for the countries facilities for its citizen among others. This is obviously human’s idea. And any idea human brings that is out of God’s involvement will not stand the test of time. When documents are secured, the true test of love for each other plays out when both parties start living together. It is at this point they discover differences that are difficult to live with. Ultimately, the relationship breaks away and each party goes separate ways. I asked; Is the objective of marriage to secure documents and eventually part ways? If the relationship happened naturally without the document as the main reason, then it’s okay. But instead of going this route, using permit documents as the reason, why not develop yourself to become an asset to any country of the world. You will not struggle to get into those countries, the countries will see it as a privilege to have you in their nations. Human designed concept cannot be used in place of God’s designed concept and expect a lasting and fulfilling marriage experience.

It is clear-cut from the points noted in this article that you have to marry for right reasons. Marrying based on these reasons will fail to withstand the true test of your commitment, love, loyalty and convictions towards each other. It is only in marrying with right reasons that you will experience secured marital bliss.

What are these reasons? Join me in my next article as we look at those reasons.