The set of core values and principles imbibed while growing up has a subtle way of influencing the quality of decisions one makes when it comes to marriage. In the long run, these decisions also have a way of determining your reasons for marriage.
I have witnessed a lot of relationships started out on personal opinion and culture. You should note that culture and opinion changes over time. When changes set in, they alter the reason(s) that generated the earlier attraction. When these reasons are altered, it becomes a problem between husband and wife. Therefore, this suggests that, valid reasons for lasting relationships have to be considered when it comes to the choice of life partner.
This episode will look at some of the wrong reasons people use in deciding who they are to marry.
Marrying in order to escape from an unhappy home. A safe way out of the home that doesn’t bring happiness is one of the reasons some people consider for getting involved in a relationship that ends in marriage. Somewhere in the mind of such individuals, they feel leaving the immediate unhappy environment is automatic to experiencing a better home. Successful homes don’t work themselves. Spouses in such categories work at experiencing success in their relationships. You will observe that most homes that are established on the basis of this reason will find themselves constantly making reactive decisions. Marriage is not for reactive people. It is for responsive people. Whether you like it or not, natural trials awaits everyone that is married, though trials may differ from one home to the other. The bottom line is; you will have to deal with different phases of your life, accompanied with their unique challenges. Some of the challenges could be finance, anger management, personality management, sexual orientation management, communication management, etc.
If the reason is therefore to escape an unhappy home, then you will have a lot of escaping to do because you will have other things that will get you angry while in that marriage.
Marrying because of age issue: Generally speaking, this is common with ladies than the guys. When the age factor drives the choice of who to marry, it will leave you with fewer options. What i have observed over the years is that, some people usually feel that they have the whole time to themselves. At the prime of their lives, they give unrealistic expectations without being truthful to themselves about the choice of person to marry. I once heard a comedian who said when some ladies are still young; they have a way of telling God that the kind of husband they want should have investments in some countries of the world. He said they will go ahead to give God their contact numbers, believing that God will help them arrange the person to call them. He went further to say that when options are limited at their advance age; they will say to God, any man will do. Who are they to give God options? Of course, at this stage, they don’t do adequate assessment of whoever comes their way. Anyone will probably pass the test.
Funny, isn’t it? The time responsible guys with a promising future, (probably without such qualifications at the time of meeting the person), showed up; their offers were turned down. They tend to realise their mistakes when all the good opportunities are virtually gone; it suddenly dawns on them that age is taking its toll on them. The time they choose to become more objective is when fewer responsible suitors come around. At this critical moment, someone is thinking, why am I not getting responsible guys, even when strong financial status is no longer the main factor? This state suddenly sets in desperation, which has a high tendency to make such ladies make a wrong choice.
In other instances, things might not just work out the way one desire. It is such an interesting life. You find cases where some people get married early while others don’t, not necessarily because of the earlier description, but you cannot just place it. It is only human to feel a sense of concern about the age factor. This should also not be allowed to make you rush into the marriage.
In the same vein, some guys enjoy the experience of single-hood because the responsibility is generally not as much as a married man. The freedom of making unilateral decision; go where he wanted at any time, come back home at will, taking vacation without consultation with another, hangs out with friends for as long as he desires and the decision to stay back and sleep over a friend’s place at will are all part of the enjoyment that make some guys delay. When they finally become ready, there is difficulty in the choice of lady to settle down with from the pool of friends such a man now has. When pressure from family members begins to mount as it may apply in some instances, feelings of being left behind arise as most of his friends are married with kids. Suddenly, one realises also that age is now a big issue. This can also make a man also get desperate and hurriedly make a choice that might not be healthily considered before taking that step into the married life.
I will rather advice that one should enjoy one’s single life while being sensitive to potential suitors. Understand what you want and you feel will complete you. In as much as you are not lowering your values and appearing cheap to the other potential partner, you also must ensure that you don’t esteem yourself too highly than you are. I can assure you that you will have great varieties to get from.
I will complete this aspect of wrong reasons for marriage in my next article.
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