Several times, I have made it known that when a diagnosis is wrong, prescription will automatically be wrong. When concepts are wrong, the establishing and implementation of workable blueprint will also be wrong.
Your concept of what marriage is will determine how you will run your marriage. Marital fulfilment will only be a mirage if its concept is not clearly understood.
If there exist wrong motives for getting married, it infers as well that there exist right reasons for doing so. There will always be a flip side to everything in life. However, In this write up, all these reasons would be viewed from God’s standpoint, the originator of marriage.
The first article in this series so to speak highlighted different concepts and beliefs about marriage. And I clearly stated the angle from which I was taking the series(http://www.senseportal.org/2014/09/before-you-say-i-do-understanding-your.html). To that extent, I will like to elucidate or explain some healthy reason:
1. Fulfilment of vision: There is a purpose for every individual in life to fulfil. Every item manufactured is designed for a specific purpose. It should not be used otherwise, or else we say the item has been abused. This misuse will make all the efforts put into producing it as well as enclosing a manual in the package as a waste of time and resources. In the same vein, each person in this life exists for a reason. Our existence is beyond being born, sent to school, becoming a graduate, working, getting married, having children, training them until they are old to be married off and so on.
Your purpose in life will determine the type of person that is ideal for you to marry. Invariably, your purpose will influence your choice of spouse. And if this is true, it implies that you cannot just marry anybody without giving paramount importance to a healthy consideration. One of the reasons therefore will be tilted towards the fulfilment of your purpose or vision in life. The fact that you have a vision as an individual is a solid proof that there should be a cohesive reason for living together as husband and wife. You should be concerned about the person’s level of understanding, views and approach to life. At this juncture, you may want to pose some questions to yourself:
i. Where is the person heading to in life?
ii. What are the person’s beliefs or philosophy about life?
iii. What are the person’s dreams and aspirations in life?
iv. What is this person’s career path like?
With all of the above put into consideration, you will most likely want to be deliberate about the choice of person to marry. It is therefore a crucial and healthy reason to be considered.
In 1999, I started a relationship with a young and purpose-driven lady, we courted for three years and got married in July 2002. Vividly, I can remember some of the highlights my wife and i discussed about our future before we married. Some of those highlights are:
a. The career path we intend to tread, and to what level.
b. The number of children we intend to have, believing God for their sexes as well.
c. The position we want to take as regarding third party interference. We made up our mind that whatever issues we that might come up, we will keep it between us until it is resolved.
d. The intention to have adopted children and ultimately own an orphanage home. The essence is especially for the down trodden; to bring hope to their hopeless state.
e. The value system we want to adopt in our family. We agreed to inculcate integrity, honesty, love for God and people and truthfulness.
2. The second is closely related. You must therefore be willing to be there for each other while you both attain your individual needs and dreams. In realizing the larger picture, it helps you realize your individual and collective picture. Without the first, the second cannot be realised. The man’s responsibility is to provide leadership. Leading the family in the direction God has designed for them. It is in the realization of the bigger purpose that the individual purposes get fulfilled. What I have seen happen in most families is that; each party is deeply engrossed with his or her personal agenda without regard for the collective purpose. And most of the times, focusing on individual purpose alone, pulls you away from the bigger picture for the family. Some of the things you noticed happen are:
a. Strain and frustration come in because both pull each other in opposite direction.
b. Arguments about trivial matters because each party sees his or her own personal aspiration as more important than that of the other person.
c. The divided objective drains more resources because of lack of harmonization.
d. The opposing efforts at the end of the day, increase the chances of failure in the marriage.
3. Another right or healthy reason for getting married is for a life time companion. Humans are not created for isolation but for association. In fact, if you check living things on planet earth, you will realize both sexes always enjoy the company of one another, a form of symbiotic relationship. The way it works with opposite sex is more co-active than between same sex, in both animals and human. This suggests that you are not meant to be a solitary being. You are meant to complement each other by reason of association and companionship. There might be cases where someone might decide to live his or her life without getting married for religious reason. This is obviously an exception to the general trend. What I have found out is that it gives you this unique feelings and fulfilment that is better experienced than talked about.
There is an energy the coming together of two people brings. You will realize this, especially for those that are married in your communication and in the way you do things together. You will identify with this if you are enjoying your marriage. If you cannot relate with this, I want to suggest that you seek a professional counsel or simply send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org
Even as a single, there is similar feelings and fulfillment of this sort IF your relationship with your intending spouse is healthy and enjoyable.
4. The other reason worthy of mention is procreation or reproduction. The population of the world would not have risen to the figure it is today without the reproductive nature. Reproduction doesn’t take place among beings or animals of the same sex. There are some communities and countries that have done well in this regard to the extent that a law has to be made to put control over the birth rate. This is usually done in order to bring about control to the state of the economy of such country.
Now, logically looking at this, assuming we all decide to remain together with the same sex partner, what happens to our world in the next twenty or thirty years. I see a huge number of old people, possibly with walking sticks and fewer or no teeth remaining, dragging each other around. I see the human race gradually moving towards extinction. I foresee schools, hospitals, research institutes, politics and other spheres of life also going moribund. All of these further buttress the importance and the reason for getting married.
It will interest you to note that we have fewer reasons stated here than I wrote in wrong reasons. This suggests that different people with different cultural bias, upbringings and training had made these reasons to be several. There are more reasons not stated in the wrong motives for getting married. The most important ones were considered in the article.
Having established the right and wrong reasons for getting married, It is self-evident that the decision you make regarding the choice of person you want to marry will go a long way to determine how successful your home will turn out to be. Therefore, this necessitates the need to point out what to look out for in the person you intend to spend the rest of your life with.
The next post will attempt to unravel this. Stay on this blog until the next article is published.
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