“there will be instances when you will be right but will have to say sorry in order to maintain peace and sanity in your home”.

• Dwelling on and magnifying the faults and weaknesses of your spouse: Because of the selfish nature of humans, we see through our own strengths and are blinded to our weaknesses as individuals. What this translates into is seeing no problem from your own end but linking most of the faults to your spouse. The trivial matters that could easily have been resolved become big issues as you fail to see your part of the blame. There are instances where not admitting to a wrong, whether right or not, will lead to bigger arguments. When I ponder on similar experiences we had in the past, I realize that we were being childish then. Admittance of error doesn’t make anyone less than s/he is.
• Creation of division between both parties: When views cannot be harmonized, each person stands on his/her own, and by so doing, creates two different structures within the marriage. Meanwhile, views are meant to be seen from the same stand point.

•  “We should work in unison and with co-operation because disunity leads to problems and failures”.
•  “No institution can function smoothly if there is disunity among its members.

•  Energies are expended on unproductive activities. Bad management of conflict simply leads to dissipation of energy with little or no results. This has the potential to create a hostile environment; making love, peace and harmony become difficult to express. The early years of our marriage witnessed some of these. I remember feeling drained and tired in certain occasions I felt hurt or angry. During such occasions, my logical reasoning was usually warped, thereby causing me indescribable pain within. This explains why activities you are involved in during the time of conflict are usually unproductive. I have witnessed cases where bad management draws on the emotion so badly that it results in health challenges (depression and high blood pressure). The energy needed to make meaningful progress in life are depleted on conflict matters, redefining your orientation about how marriage is only a necessary evil like some people have come to believe.
• Strains in Relationship with in-laws. A single match stick has the potential to engulf an entire forest. A little yeast can leaven the whole lump if not dealt with and nipped in the bud. The same is true of bad management of conflicts in marriage. I have been involved in a few counseling sessions with couples in similar scenarios. One of the cases got so bad that the couples’ parents got involved; they got engaged in the use of abusive languages against each other, stating their regret for accepting their children’s spouses in marriage. It took sessions with parents, some member of the family and me to eventually resolve the issue. They are back together now with their three children.