Naturally, I am someone that places great emphasis on the power of the mind. I have the utmost belief that whatever one sets one’s mind on to achieve has a powerful way of succeeding given the right attitude and wisdom.
However, when it comes to the issue of emotions, it is totally a different ball game. Advisably, It is safer to avoid being engulfed by its passion than having to control your mind to escape from its consequences after it has been kinetically animated in your body. It is much more easier to avoid lighting the match stick on a forest plantation than having to put the wild fire that has been set off. There is a deep assurance within us that somewhat makes us feel certain that we have everything under control. This assurance has a way of boosting our self-confidence.
Similarly, when it comes to relationship between intending couples, there is this level of confidence in us that makes us feel in control of our emotions. Little do we know that the emotion underestimated eventually led some people into having sexual relationships. It is usually after the deed has been done that one would begin to wonder how it happened. I have seen some people who boasted about their self-control and eventually thought it was a dream when it happened.
Always be cognizant of the fact that the love you have for your intending spouse will apparently be accompanied with strong emotions. These emotions are expressed through holding of hands, kissing, hugging, pecking, romancing, exchange of romantic words etc.
The apt question is: How far can we say is too far? The article on handling sexual urge highlighted the role of testosterone in a man and woman. I will advise you read this from the link: http://www.senseportal.org/sex-for-singles-handling-sexual-urge/
The understanding from this article will give you the sufficient idea of what the tendencies are. The truth is where the relationship began from could be traceable but obviously not where it could possibly end.
We are all wired differently with different levels of maturity. Depending on your maturity level, it would determine how capable it is to guide and inform your level of control over your emotions.
Notwithstanding, this is very subjective because of it’s varying positions with different people. Thereby making it difficult to draw a line between how far someone can go and refrain from such path. Since it’s not conspicous to know from the onset to what extent your partner can control; the only way you can confirm this is when it eventually happened. The point here is for you to avoid getting to that extent and also know how far you or your partner can go without any regretable action. If this is the reality, I usually suggest to the people concerned that it is better to play within the safe zone, irrespective of what your peers or friends are thinking about you.
Overtime, what I have realized with some people is that they tend to live their lives based on people’s opinions. When you are strongly driven by those opinions and ended up having sexual relationship, you will realise that those same opinions would be used against you meaning that the people’s opinions you allowed to drive you into the act would turn around and blame you for such action. Such individuals end up developing bitterness towards their partner. In regardless of what might have happened, the way forward is through prayers and proper counsel.
I believe some of the helpful suggestion below will come in handy for the person facing this challenge currently.
Abstinence instead of leading each other on should be adopted. It sounds like “old school” like most young people will term this. If abstaining from sex before marriage will make us tread safely, then it is better to go the route of “old school” than trying to be trendy by joining the bandwagon which exposes you to the risk of setting yourself or the other party on. You cannot accurately predict where it will end. Why take this road when there is possibility that you won’t have control over it afterwards.
Firmly maintain your stand not to yield. You might be sure of self-control, but what about the other party’s level of control regarding his or her emotions. In most instances, you can be sure of your own control, but not the other partner’s.
Resolve to delay gratification. The simple truism is that whether you choose to be involved now or you wait until your wedding day, you are going to spend the rest of your life together as husband and wife. On the hand, it can be better put as you too are going to spend decades together as husband and wife with myriads of responsibilities to handle. Also, when you are involved before the wedding day, your first night will not really look special as a night to look forward to.
Refuse to be influenced by an opinion that sees nothing wrong with pre-marital sex. There are individuals with such mentality or the over-indulging cultures of some nations that embrace pre-marital sex though with pre-cautionary methods of using protection. The fact that such individual or nation sees otherwise doesn’t necessarily make your decision wrong. Sometimes, infact most times, popular opinion does not translate to mean the truth. Also, the fact that such trend had been on for a long time still doesn’t possibly make it true.
Develop an accountability relationship. It is good you have someone who shares the same opinion with yours and rub minds together concerning sensitive issues for the purpose of keeping and encouraging yourself. No one is an Island of his or her own. The more you discuss your vulnerability with this accountability partner, the stronger your control over your emotions becomes. There is no point projecting, or being evasive about absence of weakness. There is no guy or lady on planet earth without weakness. The more you cover up, the more vulnerable you become. It is therefore advisable to have someone you can truly confide in and share your thought with. Mere discussing about it will serve as a great therapy against getting involved sexually before you say “I DO”.
Make resolution. Both parties should honestly resolve to stop “IF” they have already engaged in the act. The first step to take in stopping the act before your marriage is to realize the reasons and the utmost need why it should be stopped. Secondly, you embark on practical approach such as not being together alone, kissing etc. This process might not be as easy as it sounds, depending on how deep such individuals had gone, but once the mind is made up and an “embargo” has been laid on the act, the strength to taking necessary final steps out of it has a way of welling up for a genuinely made up and repentant mind.
I have seen scores of cases where either of the holding of hands, kissing, hugging, pecking, romancing etc or combination of any of the cases led to sexual involvement. Among these scores, I have seen partners resulting to one or more of the following; guilt, regret, hatred, pregnancy, depression, having many transient sexual relationships etc.
The scenarios played out in this section tend to project a difficult picture to deal with. Nevertheless, the highlighted tips will minimize the chances of getting involved in a sexual relationship before your marriage. No one is immune against it and as such should not play any super man or woman when it comes to this subject.
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