In relationships, views of partners will not “ALWAYS” be in agreement. It is a statement you should come to terms with. If anyone says views are in agreement in his or her relationship(single or married), then something is not adding up. No two human beings will have 100% agreement in terms of views or opinions.
Life is about interpretation. The interpretation I give to life is a product of my background experiences(upbringing, culture, environment, association, etc). These have resulted in a form of programming that influence how we behave and see life.
We have to find a way around accommodating these divergent views. The solution is not to force your views on your partner, whether you are right or not, as this will only complicate matters.
The following are few tips that can make accommodating these differences possible:
Be aware that you are different. The most dangerous state to be is the state of not knowing that there is a need for change. Anyone in this state will not see the need to do something about the situation. Why? He or she sees life from one point of view. Whatever he or she feels is right holds. There is a rigid position on views or opinions. As long as it is different, such person will not agree. I have come across people like this where everyone else is saying something different and he or she remained adamant on such matters. While this might be a good trait to possess; having independent mind, it could also be harmful to relationships where the partner’s opinions are not entertained. It can really be very frustrating indeed. There is therefore a need to share views with your partner in order to have wider perspective to issues of life. Your frame of reference is expanded and it places you in a better position to make informed decision. This would help you accept your partner’s differences where you see yourself as complementing each other, not necessarily in competition.
Admit that you must make certain compromises. The first point is awareness. Awareness would likely instill in you the desire to make compromises. It helps you to see that it is better to accommodate each other than operating differently without a unified agenda. There are things you are used to that you would realize might not be healthy for this relationship anymore. What was okay before you started the relationship or got married might not be healthy going forward in that relationship. For instance, you can chose to make unilateral decision without the need to inform anyone. Now you are in a relationship, you cannot act or make decisions alone. You realize that whatever decision you are making has implication on your partner. What this portrays if not dealt with is lack of accountability. Therefore, do something about it before it defeated the health of your relationship.
Be willing to act and not just talk about it. No meaningful progress without action. You can talk about what you want to do for twenty years. No progress will be made until you step out to do something about it. If I am thirsty and I have a glass of cup on a table away from me, it will be mere illusion wishing I will get the water down my throat without standing up to get it or asking someone to help me bring it. Wishing for beautiful relationships is great, but those wishes will not see the light of the day “IF” you don’t make efforts and compromises.
Cultivate mentoring relationship. Some people see mentoring as a slight on them. They share the opinion that believe that “We are adults and should know what is best for us”. “We don’t need anyone to tell us what to do”. Online dictionary defined mentoring as the act or process of helping and giving advice to a younger or less experienced person. The role of a mentor in this context is to help you stand on their shoulder to see ahead. When you see ahead, you are likely going to see those things in relationships that can be avoided in order to make your growing experience smooth. One of the roles of mentors are to let you see that what you are going through is not new under the sun. In some instances, not even up to half of what the mentor had gone through. It will help you avoid making the same mistakes your mentors made during their time. It is not to show how inadequate you are, but gives you the privilege of seeing some consequences to certain actions or decisions. I always recommend to all my Counselees to have a mentoring relationship. They should really look out for families they love how their homes run and prayerfully agree to have one of them as their mentor.
Using some of these tips will help your relationship in a significant way. Get your partner to have a discussion session and pick these points one after the other and make notes.
Agree what you will start doing differently from now and tell yourself that you will be more deliberate to make this relationship work. It’s my prayer that God will help you as you commit yourself to this cause.
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